1 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:33,207 I love you. 2 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:37,080 I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 3 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:39,082 Will you marry me? 4 00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:44,087 Baby, 5 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,611 baby-- 6 00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:49,223 Baby, your breath smells like dog food. 7 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:53,096 [ Panting ]With just a hint of rottweiler butt. 8 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,446 You're on notice, Rocco. 9 00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:58,188 When Felicia moves in, you have to clean up your act. 10 00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:00,538 Bon appétit. ♪ Whoa 11 00:01:00,582 --> 00:01:03,541 ♪ I feel good 12 00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:07,110 ♪ I knew that I would, now 13 00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:10,287 ♪ I feel good 14 00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:13,334 ♪ I knew that I would, now 15 00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:17,599 ♪ So good, so good 16 00:01:17,642 --> 00:01:19,601 ♪ I got you 17 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:23,735 ♪ Whoa, I feel nice 18 00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,564 ♪ Like sugar and spice 19 00:01:26,608 --> 00:01:30,177 ♪ I feel nice 20 00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:34,181 ♪ Like sugar and spice 21 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:37,358 ♪ So nice, so nice 22 00:01:37,401 --> 00:01:39,969 ♪ I got you 23 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,893 ♪ When I hold you in my arms ♪♪ 24 00:01:50,936 --> 00:01:53,896 I have a very big surprise for you. 25 00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:56,246 A very big surprise. 26 00:01:56,290 --> 00:02:01,121 I know you're dying to know, but I'm not gonna tell you, no matter how much you beg. 27 00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:04,385 Nope. Not even a hint. 28 00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:17,180 Wow! This is incredible, Jerry! 29 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:20,096 What's this all about? 30 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:24,840 Felicia, from the first moment I met you, 31 00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:28,017 [ Groans ] I-- I mean, uh-- 32 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:31,194 From the first moment I saw you, I, uh-- 33 00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:34,066 Uh, wh-what I'm trying to say, Felicia, is-- 34 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,808 You're lookin' sick all of a sudden. Are you all right? 35 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:39,246 Motion sickness.Oh. 36 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:42,205 The reason why I brought you out here is... 37 00:02:42,249 --> 00:02:44,773 to tell you, to say-- 38 00:02:44,816 --> 00:02:47,036 Mm-hmm. 39 00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:49,212 to ask, communicate-- 40 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:52,563 Would you just spit it out? 41 00:02:52,607 --> 00:02:57,089 [ Gasping ] Oh, I'm sorry, baby! I didn't mean it! 42 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,831 Don't cover me in puke and try and call me "baby." 43 00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,225 I'll make it up to you, Felicia! 44 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:05,489 Will you marry me?No! 45 00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,840 Oh, thank you! You've made me the happiest-- What? 46 00:03:08,884 --> 00:03:11,756 I met someone.Met someone? 47 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,716 Andre and I have all the things that we don't, Jerry. 48 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,718 Andre?I introduced you once. 49 00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:19,111 He details my BMW. 50 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:23,768 You dump me for a guy who goes to work in a jumpsuit and rubber boots? 51 00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:28,556 Andre and I connect on a level that you and I just never could. 52 00:03:28,599 --> 00:03:31,559 Jerry, I'm so sorry. 53 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:46,661 [ Sighs ] She dumped us, Rocco. 54 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:50,447 I know you don't care. You can lick your own balls. [ Chuckles ] 55 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,277 [ Sighs ] 56 00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:08,248 [ Beeping ] 57 00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,092 [ Ringing ] 58 00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,834 [ Answering Machine Clicking ] [ Jerry On Tape ] I'm not in. 59 00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,924 Leave a message or don't leave a message. Whatever. 60 00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:35,362 [ Man ] Hello, Jerry. It's me. Pick up. 61 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,625 Dude, I know you're there. 62 00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:40,280 Quit acting like a little kid. You're so immature! 63 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,543 Pick up now or I'm gonna fart into the phone. 64 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:47,765 Leave me alone. I'm wallowing in self-pity. 65 00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:50,768 It's time to rejoin the living, Jerry. We're going out tonight. 66 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:53,554 - Not interested. - Saddle up the old baloney pony. 67 00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:57,775 It's Operation Storm the Foxholes. China Club, 2100 hours. 68 00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,517 Our objective? Penetrate the enemy. 69 00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,564 Stop calling me. I'm not going.This is nonnegotiable. 70 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,306 Either meet me tonight or I'm gonna ask out your sister. 71 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:09,265 She'll go out with me 'cause she's freaky like that. We both know her. 72 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,181 Ragoni, hang up. The toilet's stuffed up.I got a code-three emergency. 73 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,531 Buddy, I gotta go. See you. 74 00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:25,803 Thanks for fitting me in today, Daniel. 75 00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:28,110 I'mso tight. 76 00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:41,515 Go really deep this time. 77 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:55,050 Give it to me harder. 78 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,447 Harder. 79 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:05,016 Harder. 80 00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:13,503 Harder. 81 00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:19,030 - [ Muscles Cracking ] - Come on, Daniel. 82 00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:23,252 Is this the best you can do?[ Sighs, Panting ] 83 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:28,518 Ragoni, what the hell are you doing?[ Screams ] 84 00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,912 I was just warmin' her up for you! 85 00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:35,090 ♪♪ [ Dance ] 86 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,527 ♪♪ [ Continues ] 87 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:41,531 Marshall, is that you?Nick! Hey! 88 00:06:41,575 --> 00:06:44,447 Long time no see! How you doin'? 89 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:47,363 You've got to give me the name of your new escort service. 90 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,975 Oh, cut it out, Nick. This is my fiancée, Sheri. 91 00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:54,065 She ain't no escort skank. She and I are in love. 92 00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:56,285 That's right. 93 00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:59,810 Marshall here's the most interesting and exciting man I've ever met. 94 00:06:59,854 --> 00:07:04,075 - And he's a wonderful lover. - Oh, I get it. She's retarded. 95 00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:08,384 She's one of the sharpest bartenders at Hooters.Oh, Marshy! 96 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,170 Excuse me, fellas. I'm gonna go trim the landing strip. 97 00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:15,913 Ooh! And classy too. 98 00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:20,352 We met on a cruise. There's just something about the ocean air, the sun. 99 00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:24,095 It really makes it easy to meet people. We connected right away. 100 00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:26,837 Very first night.With her? 101 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:29,449 Very first night?Yeah! 102 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:33,322 And there are dozens of women just as friendly as her on board. 103 00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:36,543 Dude, I gotta tell you, whatever you're doing, take a week off... 104 00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,893 and get yourself on one of those boats. 105 00:07:38,936 --> 00:07:43,375 There was a line at the can. Honey, can we skip dinner? 106 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:47,379 You look so hot, you got me in the mood for take-out in bed. 107 00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:50,600 [ Both Moaning ] 108 00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:53,560 Tongue. 109 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,261 - Ooh! - Wow! 110 00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:08,749 Wasn't that crazy Marshall Geller, 111 00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:11,752 the guy who used to work in our high school cafeteria? 112 00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:14,319 Nope. That was crazy Marshall Geller, 113 00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,408 my new personal hero. 114 00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,628 Dude, let's bolt. 115 00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,718 Hanging around some stupid bar is no place to meet women. 116 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:24,895 What are you talkin' about? You've been begging me to come here for months. 117 00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:27,115 Jerry, buddy, 118 00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:29,117 trust me. 119 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,990 I have seen the light. ♪ Come on, gettin' on down 120 00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,384 ♪ Get on down 121 00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,473 ♪ Get on, get on down 122 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,607 ♪ Get on down, come on Go, go down ♪ 123 00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,653 ♪ Get on down 124 00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:47,048 ♪ Go, go down Get on down, come on ♪ 125 00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,572 ♪ Go, go down ♪ 126 00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,316 [ Mutters ] 127 00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,456 Aw, son of a bitch! [ Horn Honks ] 128 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,850 That was my space!Fuck you! 129 00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,461 Fuck you right back, buddy.Nick, back off. 130 00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,812 I don't want to see an out-of-shape slob get his butt kicked. 131 00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,814 He ain't that out of shape.I'm talkin' about you! 132 00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:17,078 You break a sweat changing your shoes.Oh, stop. Bite me! 133 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,036 - Blow me! - Kiss my ass! 134 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,299 - Fuck your mother! - Oh, yeah? 135 00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:23,650 No one would want to fuck my mother 'cause she's too ugly! 136 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,956 Think I lost that one.Oh, yeah. 137 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:33,442 Okay, it's the seven-day, six-night fun in the sun singles package... 138 00:09:33,485 --> 00:09:36,053 with the standard three-to-one female-to-male ratio. 139 00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:39,927 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Just as the doctor ordered, right, buddy? 140 00:09:39,970 --> 00:09:42,625 I don't know, Nick. I don't think I'm ready for this. 141 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:45,541 Come on! It's been six months! 142 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:49,458 I don't like the sun, and I get seasick. 143 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:52,417 - Hmm. - I don't know what to say to strange women. 144 00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:55,116 We're not going for the discourse. We're going for the intercourse! 145 00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:59,599 Sex! That's all you ever think about! Sex, sex, sex, sex! 146 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,513 - We'll take it. - Ha-ha-ha! 147 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:03,559 There you go.Excellent. 148 00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,911 Oh, Larry. You're still here. 149 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:10,610 Mm-hmm.Your mother died. 150 00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,874 - What? When? - This morning. 151 00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:17,051 I'm sorry. I thought you got my Post-it. 152 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,227 [ Larry ] Okay, thanks, Michael. 153 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:22,839 All right. Gentlemen, I might want you to consider this stateroom right here. 154 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:26,016 It's a little bit larger-- 155 00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,981 Um, would you excuse me for just a moment? 156 00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,896 Brian, help! [ Sobbing ] 157 00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:39,682 [ Bawling ] Mama! 158 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,554 [ Crying Continues ] Oh, God! 159 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:45,122 - You! - Fuck you, pal! 160 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,777 - Fuck you back. - Fuck your mother! - Oh, yeah? 161 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:50,998 - No one would fuck my mother 'cause she's too ugly! - We've been through this! 162 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:56,003 - Excuse me. What seems to be the problem here? - This guy-- pecker face. 163 00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:59,093 This guy's a jerk.All right, Brian. You know what? Enough. 164 00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:02,444 Let me handle this. Check on the ski packages.Yeah. 165 00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:05,752 Over near the Maui getaways. Remember? Since the changeover? 166 00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:09,190 Yeah, I got 'em.I am so sorry. 167 00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:12,236 Brian's had a little problem with the-- and the-- 168 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,238 and the-- and the-- 169 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:17,459 Oh. Yeah, bad news. 170 00:11:17,502 --> 00:11:21,724 But now he's doing fine. He's doing a lot of great work with unwed teenage mothers. 171 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:25,510 [ Chuckles ] So-- All right. 172 00:11:25,554 --> 00:11:27,730 [ Clears Throat ] Let's see. 173 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:30,820 Seven-day, six-night vacation cruise. Is that correct? 174 00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,779 That's the one, yeah.Right. 175 00:11:32,822 --> 00:11:35,042 Yeah.Right. 176 00:11:35,085 --> 00:11:37,348 Okay. 177 00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:43,528 You guys are set, gentlemen. 178 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:47,663 I think you'll have a very good time. Pleaseenjoy your vacation. 179 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,231 Thank you very much. And you should probably do something about that guy. 180 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:53,800 Don't worry. I've already taken care of it.Good. 181 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:57,020 And hey, I'm a letter writer. 182 00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:00,284 Duly noted.All right. 183 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:06,726 Bye-bye, now. 184 00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,989 I'm too upset to work ski packages. 185 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,339 I can't believe you took care of them. 186 00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:13,820 I took care of them, all right. 187 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:17,258 'Cause no one calls my little pecker a pecker. 188 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,521 Huh?Yeah. 189 00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:21,218 Yeah.[ Giggling ] 190 00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:32,752 Wow! Look at the size of that thing! 191 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,798 And just think-- it's filled with available women. 192 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,714 Yeah, and here's the beauty part of the whole thing. 193 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,456 They can't get away from us. We'll be in the middle of the ocean. 194 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:44,328 They can try, but they'll drown or get eaten by sharks. 195 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:47,244 It's perfect! 196 00:12:47,288 --> 00:12:50,770 You know, sometimes I think there's something seriously wrong with you. 197 00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:54,208 I can live with that. [ Guffawing ] 198 00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:57,515 Excuse me. Can I ask you something? Yes. 199 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,823 You board everybody on this ship, right?Yes, sir. 200 00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,608 Let me ask you a question, guy-to-guy. 201 00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:07,787 Is there a lot of sweet ass on this ship?I'm sure you'll be very happy. 202 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,745 Yes! Hear that, Jer?Hey, hey! 203 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,530 All righty!Whoo! 204 00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:16,447 A boat filled with hot, beautiful women! 205 00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:20,147 Yes!Awesome, awesome awesome! 206 00:13:20,190 --> 00:13:22,671 Can't you just feel the sexy, lovely creatures... 207 00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:24,760 boarding this love boat as we speak? 208 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,893 Watch out! I'm comin'!♪ Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba 209 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,156 ♪ Bee-ba, ba-ba, bee-ba ♪ 210 00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:33,203 Yeah, yeah. Whoo!Nick, you're right! This is great! 211 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:35,597 Yeah, you know! 212 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,773 [ Nick Yells ] Hey, what's up? 213 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,775 How you doin'?Ooh! 214 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,822 Yeah! All right! 215 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,041 Friendly crowd, huh?Oh, yeah. 216 00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,827 Don't you ever doubt me! 217 00:13:56,792 --> 00:13:58,968 What the hell was that? 218 00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:02,624 Well, uh-- Onboard entertainment. 219 00:14:02,667 --> 00:14:05,801 You know? I bet Cirque du Soleil's here, like Vegas! 220 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,717 Oh, cool.Right? 221 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,719 [ Sighs ] 222 00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,764 Hey! How are ya? 223 00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:22,731 There it is-- stateroom 211. 224 00:14:22,774 --> 00:14:25,908 The number that will be on everyone's lips by the end of the trip. 225 00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:32,045 Let's do it. 226 00:14:34,438 --> 00:14:36,963 That's weird. 227 00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:41,054 Only one bed.Oh, I know why. 228 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:45,667 'Cause we're gonna be having so much sex, one guy's always gonna be sleeping out. 229 00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:50,063 Yeah, right. You better hope that couch is more comfortable than it looks. 230 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,370 There's a mirror on the ceiling. 231 00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:58,549 Excelente. That way the babes can watch me... 232 00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:03,337 get my freak on! ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 233 00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:06,470 Check this out, Jer. Four racquetball courts.Hey! 234 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:08,472 Nine cocktail lounges.Ooh. 235 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:11,562 A casino.Six and eights are running mates! 236 00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:16,611 A video arcade. Onboard chest-waxing salon. 237 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:19,701 Chest waxing?Yeah, of course. 238 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:22,095 For swimmin'.Let me see that. 239 00:15:25,359 --> 00:15:29,537 "Club Socrates wants you to know you'll be treated like a queen." 240 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:34,063 You mean "king."Queen. Says so right there. 241 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,721 That's weird.Hmm. 242 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,810 [ Knocking ] 243 00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,986 Hello. 244 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:48,338 Ring, ring, ring. Everybody conga! 245 00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,340 ♪♪ [ Radio: Salsa ]♪♪ [ Humming ] 246 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:54,083 ♪ Everybody party Party, party, party ♪ 247 00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:57,304 ♪ 5:00 today Yeah, baby! 248 00:15:57,347 --> 00:16:01,134 I told you, Jer. This boat is wild! 249 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:04,050 Where's the party, sweet thing?Stateroom 209. 250 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:07,488 Ooh! Stateroom 209. Hey! 251 00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:11,971 [ Low Voice ] It's casual. [ Purring ] 252 00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:18,499 [ Horn Blowing ] 253 00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:23,286 To fresh scratches on our backs. 254 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:27,203 - Scotch and soda, please. - Coming right up, sir. 255 00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,553 ♪♪ [ Woman Singing ] 256 00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:32,034 Oh, please! 257 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:35,385 Why do they always have to play Liza? 258 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,345 I don't know. I kind of like Liza with a "Z." 259 00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:41,087 Yeah, she's kinda cool for makin' out. 260 00:16:41,130 --> 00:16:45,178 I prefer Johnny Mathis myself. 261 00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:48,703 Yeah, if you're gonna make out with a dude. 262 00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:55,275 That is very funny. 263 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:58,930 [ Sighs ] My name is Faversham. Lloyd Faversham. 264 00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,150 Nick Ragoni.Nick. 265 00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,109 Jerry. It's your first cruise? 266 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,328 No, my third. And you? 267 00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:08,201 - Número uno. - Oh. 268 00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:10,899 Then you are going to positively adore it. 269 00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:15,469 - It is one wild, decadent week. - That's why we're here, right? 270 00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,601 All-night parties.Excellent. 271 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:20,952 - Midnight skinny-dipping. - Sign me up! 272 00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,607 And if you're into it, lots of sex, 273 00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,957 sex, sex. 274 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,482 You hear that, Jer? All the sex a man could want. 275 00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:32,399 Well, then you must visit the hole-in-one room. 276 00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:35,358 Oh, they have an onboard driving range. 277 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:39,841 Some of the chaps down there do swing some very large clubs. 278 00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:43,540 Hmm.You two have an open relationship? 279 00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:46,195 Open? What do you mean by "open relationship"? 280 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:48,415 I mean, do you date? 281 00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:51,374 Of course we date. That's why we're here.Yeah! 282 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:56,162 That's absolutely wonderful. We must get together sometime, go for a midnight swim. 283 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,860 Do whatever feels right. 284 00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:02,777 That is what a gay cruise is all about. 285 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:06,041 ♪♪ [ Liza Minnelli Continues Singing ] 286 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,565 I see. 287 00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,741 Hear that, Jerry? 288 00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:14,484 We can do whatever we want, whatever feels right. 289 00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:18,314 That's what a gay cruise is all about. 290 00:18:18,358 --> 00:18:21,404 Whatever we want to do, we can do it... 291 00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,754 because it's a gay cruise. 292 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:28,455 It's a gay cruise, Jerry! Not a bi cruise! It's a gay cruise! 293 00:18:28,498 --> 00:18:31,588 Capital "G," capital "A," capital "Y-M-C-A"... 294 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:33,808 gay cruise, Jerry! 295 00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:36,158 Damn, damn, damn! 296 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:39,292 I wonder how many other people made the same mistake I did. 297 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,165 No one! Shit! 298 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,429 Jerry! Don't worry, buddy! 299 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:50,912 I'm bringing you back home. I'm gonna get you out of here. Let's go! 300 00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:55,221 Help! Help! Somebody help us! 301 00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,658 We're straight! 302 00:18:57,701 --> 00:19:01,357 We're straight!Hey! Nick! 303 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:05,144 Stop acting like a jerk! We'll figure this out. 304 00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:08,843 - What are we gonna do? We gotta get off this boat. - Ooh! 305 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:11,802 We gotta get off! Excuse me, sir. You know where we can get off real quick? 306 00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:15,197 Try the hole-in-one room.I'm starting to think that's not a real driving range. 307 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,199 In fact, I'm convinced of it. 308 00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:19,897 Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it! 309 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:22,335 We're trapped like rats! 310 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,383 What? 311 00:19:27,427 --> 00:19:30,081 I checked our itinerary. 312 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:33,041 We don't dock for four days. 313 00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:37,480 - Why do I ever listen to you? - Are you implying that this is somehow my fault? 314 00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:40,135 Oh, I'm not implying it. I'm saying it. 315 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:43,660 If you hadn't insulted that travel agent, none of this would've happened! 316 00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:46,533 Maybe there's another explanation. 317 00:19:46,576 --> 00:19:48,796 Yeah? What? 318 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:52,016 Maybe that travel agent thought he was doing youa favor... 319 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,324 because, uh, you know-- 320 00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:58,806 - Because what? - Because you're a little femme, that's why! 321 00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,548 You always dress real nice, you're in shape, you're neat! 322 00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:04,638 Oh, and you use those pastel-colored balls at the bowling alley. 323 00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:08,076 Don't think that got past me! 324 00:20:10,687 --> 00:20:14,125 You're an idiot, a thickheaded moron! 325 00:20:14,169 --> 00:20:17,216 Felicia was right. I should've dumped your ass years ago! 326 00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:20,001 If you wanted to dump someone's ass years ago, it should've been Felicia's! 327 00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,264 Oh!That chick was Satan's sister. 328 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,266 Yeah, devil with a "D" cup! 329 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:28,444 Felicia was as frosty a bitch as I've ever seen!I'm gonna kill ya! 330 00:20:28,488 --> 00:20:31,708 I'm gonna kill you![ Grunting ] 331 00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:35,321 I knew I heard choo-chi, pom-pom time! 332 00:20:35,364 --> 00:20:38,541 - Choo-choo-choo-choo! - Don't get the wrong idea! 333 00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:41,631 Oh, Hector always get the wrong idea. 334 00:20:41,675 --> 00:20:44,547 That is why he's no longer welcome in the state of Missouri. 335 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:46,984 Buddy, you pranced into the wrong cabin. 336 00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:50,161 My friend and I-- We're not gay.Huh. 337 00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:53,730 [ Sputters, Laughs ] Ring-ring! Hold the phone. 338 00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:57,038 - You're telling me you two guys are not gay. - That's right. 339 00:20:57,081 --> 00:21:01,085 Oh, pull Hector's other leg. It's got bells on it. 340 00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,479 I'm getting out of here. 341 00:21:05,438 --> 00:21:08,441 Gee, what hasn't gotten into him? 342 00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,750 Out! 343 00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,578 ♪♪ [ Piano ] [ Men ] ♪ Whoa, here he comes 344 00:21:15,622 --> 00:21:18,755 ♪ Watch out, boy He'll chew you up ♪ 345 00:21:18,799 --> 00:21:21,497 ♪ Whoa, here he comes He's a maneater ♪ 346 00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:24,413 ♪ Whoa, here he comes 347 00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:26,720 ♪ Watch out, boy He'll chew you up ♪ 348 00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:30,724 ♪ Whoa, here he comes He's a maneater ♪ 349 00:21:30,767 --> 00:21:32,987 ♪ I wouldn't if I were you ♪♪ 350 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,517 [ Applause ] 351 00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:45,086 [ Man ] Bachelor Number Two, what's the most unusual place that you ever made love? 352 00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:49,308 Well, once I did it in a dressing room at International Male. 353 00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:52,180 Right. And how 'bout you, Bachelor Number Three? 354 00:21:52,223 --> 00:21:55,052 What's the most unusual place that you ever made love? 355 00:21:55,096 --> 00:21:58,795 - Inside a woman. - [ Audience Laughing ] 356 00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:00,754 [ Groans ] 357 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:09,632 Hey, who we gotta screw to get a drink around here? 358 00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:12,461 [ Snickering ] Whoop. 359 00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:16,117 Oop. 360 00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:20,164 Ooh. Ooh.Hey, buddy, you okay? 361 00:22:21,949 --> 00:22:23,690 Do I look gay? 362 00:22:25,692 --> 00:22:29,086 Never saw an old, gay grandpa before. 363 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,828 Aah.Whoo-hoo. 364 00:22:37,704 --> 00:22:40,402 Where are all the gay people at? 365 00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:42,273 Y'all always supposed to wanna party. 366 00:22:42,317 --> 00:22:45,276 Oops. Oop. 367 00:22:46,539 --> 00:22:48,889 Ooh! 368 00:23:09,910 --> 00:23:12,086 [ Gasps ] 369 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:20,399 - Are you okay? - I'm fine! 370 00:23:32,149 --> 00:23:36,110 [ Thinking ] Men on dates, holding hands, touching, kissing. 371 00:23:36,153 --> 00:23:38,852 I can't take it. Gotta think. 372 00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:41,855 Not good at it. Took too much shop in high school. 373 00:23:43,204 --> 00:23:46,555 [ Helicopter Whirring ] 374 00:23:48,165 --> 00:23:51,038 Help! Pick me up! 375 00:23:51,081 --> 00:23:53,649 Get me out of here! 376 00:23:53,693 --> 00:23:56,347 Hey, drop down a ladder! 377 00:23:56,391 --> 00:23:58,567 I like girls! [ Passing Overhead ] 378 00:23:58,611 --> 00:24:01,483 [ Wailing ] 379 00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:12,712 Please! Please come back! 380 00:24:19,806 --> 00:24:22,983 [ Metal Banging ] [ Helicopter Sputtering ] 381 00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:25,507 Ohh! 382 00:24:25,551 --> 00:24:28,684 Oh, my-- [ Crashes Into Water ] 383 00:24:28,728 --> 00:24:30,469 Jesus! 384 00:24:38,999 --> 00:24:40,740 Oop. 385 00:24:49,313 --> 00:24:53,579 Flare gun. I don't know anything about a flare gun. I swear I was here all night. 386 00:24:53,622 --> 00:24:56,843 A flare gun? I don't know anything about a flare gun. I was here all night. 387 00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:59,323 Flare gun? I don't know nothing about no stinking flare gun! 388 00:24:59,367 --> 00:25:01,151 [ Door Opening ]Oh, shit. 389 00:25:01,195 --> 00:25:05,504 Okay, here we are. 390 00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:08,419 You should go change now. Where's your robe? 391 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:11,684 Okay. 392 00:25:11,727 --> 00:25:14,991 Okay, I give up! I give up! I did it! 393 00:25:15,035 --> 00:25:18,995 Hey, Jer. How was your evening? 394 00:25:19,039 --> 00:25:23,086 Hi. Your friend had a little too much to drink. 395 00:25:23,130 --> 00:25:25,088 She thinks I'm drunk. 396 00:25:25,132 --> 00:25:28,483 Ah, Nicky, Nicky!All right, all right. 397 00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,225 I fell in the pool!Oh! Ooh! Ooh! 398 00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:34,184 [ Nick ] Ah, you're sitting on my balls! 399 00:25:34,228 --> 00:25:36,535 Okay, um, I'm gonna leave you two alone. 400 00:25:36,578 --> 00:25:38,798 Good night.Oh, you're gettin' me all wet. 401 00:25:38,841 --> 00:25:40,756 [ Nick Groans ] 402 00:25:45,892 --> 00:25:49,548 Jerry! Wake up! I'm starvin'. 403 00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:53,247 Come on, Jerry. [ Snoring ] 404 00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:56,772 Dude, don't make me go up there by myself. Get up. 405 00:25:56,816 --> 00:25:58,861 Jerry! 406 00:25:58,905 --> 00:26:02,517 Screw it. What am I afraid of?[ Snoring ] 407 00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,867 How gay could a buffet be? 408 00:26:04,911 --> 00:26:08,131 ♪♪ [ Instrumental ] 409 00:26:35,202 --> 00:26:37,421 Is this seat taken?Actually-- 410 00:26:37,465 --> 00:26:40,860 I hate dining alone. Bet you feel the same way too.I'm okay with it. 411 00:26:40,903 --> 00:26:45,168 I see you took the omelette, the waffles and the flapjacks. 412 00:26:45,212 --> 00:26:47,301 Hungry little man, aren't you? 413 00:26:47,344 --> 00:26:50,957 Would you care for a bite of my sausage? 414 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,656 In England, we call them bangers.Eww! 415 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:57,790 Captain, could you come over here a minute, please? 416 00:26:57,833 --> 00:27:00,662 Captain, there's a small craft off the starboard bow... 417 00:27:00,706 --> 00:27:03,665 that's trying to get our attention. [ Grunts ] 418 00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:06,799 [ All Yelling ] Help! Help! 419 00:27:06,842 --> 00:27:10,411 Somebody save us! Somebody save us! Help! 420 00:27:12,456 --> 00:27:14,981 Jesus! Sound the alarm. 421 00:27:15,024 --> 00:27:18,332 All hands on dick. Deck. 422 00:27:18,375 --> 00:27:20,290 Deck! 423 00:27:27,602 --> 00:27:29,604 Hot tea? 424 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:34,043 Why don't you have a seat? 425 00:27:34,087 --> 00:27:35,828 For you. 426 00:27:44,271 --> 00:27:46,447 Oh, my God! 427 00:27:49,798 --> 00:27:52,714 - I must be dreaming. Somebody pinch me. - Sure. My pleasure. 428 00:27:52,758 --> 00:27:55,717 Ow! I didn't say on my ass! 429 00:27:55,761 --> 00:27:59,025 You didn't notsay it.I didn't think I had to specify. 430 00:27:59,068 --> 00:28:01,897 Jesus. 431 00:28:05,596 --> 00:28:08,991 Nick, Nick! You gotta help me out. 432 00:28:09,035 --> 00:28:11,733 Remember that woman that dragged me to the room last night? 433 00:28:11,777 --> 00:28:15,389 I can't get her off my mind. She kissed me. Technically, it was mouth-to-mouth. 434 00:28:15,432 --> 00:28:19,872 But it was fabulous. I mean, I gotta find her. I was so wasted la-- 435 00:28:21,830 --> 00:28:25,399 Who are they?The answer to our prayers, Jerry. 436 00:28:25,442 --> 00:28:27,923 Twelve of the most gorgeous creatures I've ever seen. 437 00:28:27,967 --> 00:28:30,230 Ooh.But I'm not greedy. 438 00:28:30,273 --> 00:28:32,885 I'll share. Go ahead. 439 00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:36,192 Pick two. 440 00:28:36,236 --> 00:28:38,891 No. This girl was fabulous. 441 00:28:38,934 --> 00:28:40,980 She's special. I gotta find her. 442 00:28:45,811 --> 00:28:48,770 Ooh! She's special, special. 443 00:28:57,039 --> 00:28:58,998 Hello. 444 00:28:59,041 --> 00:29:01,522 H-H-Hi. 445 00:29:01,565 --> 00:29:05,308 Who are you?I'm Nick Ragoni, the most grateful man on the planet. 446 00:29:05,352 --> 00:29:08,572 I'm Inga. Very pleasurable to meet you. 447 00:29:08,616 --> 00:29:11,706 How'd you all get here? 448 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:16,058 We are the Swedish suntanning team on our way to the Hawaiian Tropics competition in bars. 449 00:29:16,102 --> 00:29:18,539 Some bonehead shot down our helicopter. 450 00:29:18,582 --> 00:29:21,237 Coach had to make water landing. 451 00:29:21,281 --> 00:29:24,675 I didn't think this was gonna happen until I died and went to heaven. 452 00:29:24,719 --> 00:29:28,201 It's lucky thing we were picked up by a boat full of homo boys. 453 00:29:28,244 --> 00:29:31,595 It would be terrible to have straight men hassling and ogling us... 454 00:29:31,639 --> 00:29:34,990 while we're trying to work on our even tan lines. 455 00:29:36,339 --> 00:29:38,602 Oh, you're so right. 456 00:29:38,646 --> 00:29:41,475 Lucky I'm gay! 457 00:29:41,518 --> 00:29:45,827 I'm super gay. I'm mega-- I'm gay-normous! 458 00:29:45,871 --> 00:29:48,830 I'm so gay. 459 00:29:48,874 --> 00:29:53,661 But that's good, 'cause now you guys can all feel comfortable... 460 00:29:53,704 --> 00:29:58,100 in front of me and take off your tops and stuff. 461 00:29:58,144 --> 00:30:01,016 And I can do this for you. 462 00:30:01,060 --> 00:30:04,324 I can put tanning oils and creamy lotions... 463 00:30:04,367 --> 00:30:07,893 all over your luscious bodies! 464 00:30:07,936 --> 00:30:10,765 And there won't be any worries from you because... 465 00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:15,074 I'm so gay! [ Laughs ] 466 00:30:15,117 --> 00:30:18,207 ♪ When you need something Don't stop, don't stop ♪ [ Nick Moaning ] 467 00:30:18,251 --> 00:30:21,732 Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! 468 00:30:21,776 --> 00:30:24,387 Almost finished! Yeah! 469 00:30:24,431 --> 00:30:27,956 [ Screaming ] 470 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:30,263 Okay, let's do the back. 471 00:30:30,306 --> 00:30:34,571 The first time I think I realized I was gay... 472 00:30:34,615 --> 00:30:37,879 was when I was around 12, in scouts. 473 00:30:37,923 --> 00:30:41,013 I really liked putting on that kerchief. 474 00:30:41,056 --> 00:30:43,363 In fact, it was the only part I liked about it. 475 00:30:43,406 --> 00:30:45,539 That and the nude swimming. 476 00:30:45,582 --> 00:30:49,891 Anyway, I hope you gals all feel comfortable around me! 477 00:30:49,935 --> 00:30:54,504 - [ All ] Ja,Nick. - 'Cause I sure do feel comfortable around you. 478 00:30:56,637 --> 00:31:00,249 All done! Who's next? How 'bout you, Ursula? 479 00:31:00,293 --> 00:31:04,558 Ready for your second coat? Uh-oh, these thighs look a little dry. 480 00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:07,343 There we go. [ Laughing ] 481 00:31:08,954 --> 00:31:11,913 - What do you want? - [ Ferocious Growling ] 482 00:31:11,957 --> 00:31:14,437 What the hell is that? 483 00:31:14,481 --> 00:31:17,745 I got this from that dude over there. He's hot. 484 00:31:17,788 --> 00:31:20,791 You are no gay homo man. 485 00:31:20,835 --> 00:31:23,707 I am Sonya, coach of tanning team. 486 00:31:23,751 --> 00:31:26,754 - What? - Quiet! As long as these women are in training, 487 00:31:26,797 --> 00:31:30,932 there will be no trouser snakes near their hot, luscious po-pos! 488 00:31:30,976 --> 00:31:34,501 Put me down! Coach of the tanning team. That's ridiculous! 489 00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:36,764 If I want to talk to any of these ladies, I will, 490 00:31:36,807 --> 00:31:40,159 and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me! 491 00:31:40,202 --> 00:31:43,945 - Oh, yeah? - [ Nick Screams, Groans ] 492 00:31:49,298 --> 00:31:53,476 [ Barks ] What the hell happened to you? 493 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,001 I died and went to heaven, 494 00:31:56,044 --> 00:31:59,004 and then some muscle-bound blond dwarf knocked me back down to hell. 495 00:31:59,047 --> 00:32:02,094 - What? - You know those 12 gorgeous hotties? 496 00:32:02,137 --> 00:32:06,011 - They got a goddamn bodyguard. - Oh. 497 00:32:06,054 --> 00:32:10,754 I can take disappointments, Jer, but little Nicky, 498 00:32:10,798 --> 00:32:14,367 he's already known such heartache in his short life. 499 00:32:14,410 --> 00:32:17,370 Then I guess all three of us struck out. 500 00:32:17,413 --> 00:32:20,764 I still can't find that girl. I've looked everywhere. 501 00:32:20,808 --> 00:32:23,898 You know, 502 00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:28,250 I've kissed Felicia for four years and never felt anything like I felt last night. 503 00:32:28,294 --> 00:32:31,862 That girl was special. I gotta find her. 504 00:32:31,906 --> 00:32:34,865 You're abandoning me? What am I supposed to do? 505 00:32:36,563 --> 00:32:40,741 It's a luxury cruise. Not everything's gay-oriented. 506 00:32:40,784 --> 00:32:43,744 [ Man ] No more bets! 507 00:32:43,787 --> 00:32:45,746 Red three is the winner. 508 00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:49,532 [ Cackling ] Beautiful. 509 00:32:49,576 --> 00:32:53,667 Poker. This is gonna be sweet! 510 00:32:53,710 --> 00:32:56,626 These trouser pilots are no match for a lusty hetero like myself. 511 00:32:56,670 --> 00:32:59,499 This will be like taking candy from a baby. 512 00:32:59,542 --> 00:33:02,284 Why is that? Are gay men notoriously bad gamblers? 513 00:33:02,328 --> 00:33:04,765 Awful! They can't bluff. 514 00:33:04,808 --> 00:33:07,898 They look at cards, they start giggling. It's terrible. 515 00:33:07,942 --> 00:33:11,990 Nick, promise me you won't act like a gay-bashing, narrow-minded Neanderthal. 516 00:33:12,033 --> 00:33:13,992 Buddy, you're talking to me. 517 00:33:14,035 --> 00:33:16,864 The lady, couple of ducks-- quack, quack-- possible flush. 518 00:33:16,907 --> 00:33:19,693 Hello, gays-- guys. Mind if I join you? 519 00:33:19,736 --> 00:33:22,522 Sure thing, gorgeous. 520 00:33:22,565 --> 00:33:25,394 I can't remember-- does a straight beat a flush? 521 00:33:25,438 --> 00:33:27,483 [ Cash Register Ringing ] [ Nick ] Damn! 522 00:33:27,527 --> 00:33:31,357 - I really thought I had that one. - Listen, Nick. 523 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,186 I don't want you to take offense, but can I give you a piece of advice? 524 00:33:34,229 --> 00:33:36,275 What?Don't clear your throat. 525 00:33:36,318 --> 00:33:39,017 What? 526 00:33:39,060 --> 00:33:42,455 Every time you bluff, you clear your throat.I do? 527 00:33:42,498 --> 00:33:45,066 - Mm-hmm. - Don't play the cards. 528 00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:48,504 Play the players.[ Sighs ] 529 00:33:48,548 --> 00:33:52,726 All right, here we go. Ante up, five in the chute, three-card monte. 530 00:33:52,769 --> 00:33:55,772 Kings to win. Here we go. Uh, and there's a winner. 531 00:33:55,816 --> 00:33:57,818 We got a winner. 532 00:34:09,221 --> 00:34:11,788 Hey, you. 533 00:34:11,832 --> 00:34:15,227 - [ Whimpers ] - Unbelievable. 534 00:34:17,359 --> 00:34:19,579 That was embarrassing! 535 00:34:19,622 --> 00:34:22,582 They offer a pool safety class on board. You should check it out. 536 00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:24,714 Let me give you a hand. 537 00:34:24,758 --> 00:34:27,108 I'm Gabriella. 538 00:34:31,025 --> 00:34:33,288 I'm-- I'm Jerry. 539 00:34:33,332 --> 00:34:36,987 ♪♪ [ Humming ] 540 00:34:37,031 --> 00:34:39,773 Oh, boy! 541 00:34:44,473 --> 00:34:46,867 Hi.Hi! 542 00:34:46,910 --> 00:34:49,348 You like? 543 00:34:49,391 --> 00:34:51,350 Oh, yeah. 544 00:34:51,393 --> 00:34:54,222 Oh, the ice cream. Yeah, that's okay. 545 00:34:54,266 --> 00:34:56,964 Coach would kill me if she knew I broke training, 546 00:34:57,007 --> 00:34:59,009 but I no can help. 547 00:34:59,053 --> 00:35:01,142 I am-- What is the word? 548 00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:03,144 Oral. 549 00:35:03,188 --> 00:35:05,277 That's the word, 550 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,583 and what a wonderful word it is. 551 00:35:07,627 --> 00:35:10,847 I'm so lonely. 552 00:35:10,891 --> 00:35:13,676 Coach is being very strict about keeping us away from men... 553 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:16,201 during tanning season. 554 00:35:16,244 --> 00:35:18,681 It's too bad you're gay, Nick. Good night. 555 00:35:18,725 --> 00:35:21,510 Inga, wait, wait, wait. 556 00:35:21,554 --> 00:35:25,340 I've always been curious about your country. You mind if I ask you something? 557 00:35:25,384 --> 00:35:28,038 Yeah. What would you like to know about, Nick? 558 00:35:28,082 --> 00:35:30,171 Our cities, our lakes and rivers, 559 00:35:30,215 --> 00:35:32,869 our safe and sturdy automobiles? 560 00:35:32,913 --> 00:35:37,047 I'm a big fan of your cinema. I've rented quite a bit of it. 561 00:35:37,091 --> 00:35:41,139 I've noticed your people's progressive attitudes towards premarital sex. 562 00:35:41,182 --> 00:35:43,837 So what I was wondering is, 563 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,754 theoretically, if my own sexual orientation were to be-- 564 00:35:47,797 --> 00:35:50,235 If you're asking if I'd sleep with you if you were straight, the answer is ja. 565 00:35:50,278 --> 00:35:52,846 Ja? Ja? Jameans yes, right? Ja. 566 00:35:52,889 --> 00:35:55,283 Inga, I have a surprise for you. I'm straight. 567 00:35:55,327 --> 00:35:59,896 I'm as straight as a Volvo going down an Oslo toll road. 568 00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:02,116 Oslo is in Norway. 569 00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,553 The point is, we can make love. 570 00:36:04,597 --> 00:36:07,513 I know that's the best news I've ever heard. 571 00:36:07,556 --> 00:36:10,733 I'm in cabin 4433. Meet me in five minuten. 572 00:36:10,777 --> 00:36:14,607 You got it. Five minuten. 573 00:36:14,650 --> 00:36:17,566 And not a minutenmore. 574 00:36:17,610 --> 00:36:21,353 Hello. Are there any condoms available on the ship? 575 00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:26,140 [ Knocking ] 576 00:36:26,184 --> 00:36:28,273 Come in. Door is open. 577 00:36:29,709 --> 00:36:32,233 Mm-hmm. 578 00:36:32,277 --> 00:36:35,367 Coach! 579 00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:38,457 Change in room assignments. You bunk with Pia. 580 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:41,851 - But why, Coach? - You cannot be trusted with mini bar. 581 00:36:41,895 --> 00:36:44,463 You are in training.But, Coach, I eat nothing all day. 582 00:36:44,506 --> 00:36:47,683 You ate yesterday, ja? [ Loud Slap ] 583 00:36:47,727 --> 00:36:50,251 Your butt is disgusting. Wait, I'd better double check. 584 00:36:50,295 --> 00:36:54,124 [ Gasping ] Ja.Disgusting. 585 00:36:54,168 --> 00:36:57,171 [ Gasping ]Both cheeks. 586 00:36:57,215 --> 00:37:01,436 Oh, ja, ja, ja. Move it, fatty! 587 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,222 Knock it off and go to bed.All right, Coach. 588 00:37:05,745 --> 00:37:07,964 Thank you for lending me your jacket. 589 00:37:10,010 --> 00:37:12,882 - So what do you do on this ship? - I'm a dance teacher. 590 00:37:12,926 --> 00:37:15,537 Wow. Teaching dance must be fun. It can be. 591 00:37:15,581 --> 00:37:18,061 You know, especially on the gay cruises. 592 00:37:18,105 --> 00:37:21,369 - They're much more fun than the straight ones. - Why is that? 593 00:37:21,413 --> 00:37:25,199 You go on the straight cruises and all you meet are these... horny creeps. 594 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,897 Oh. I got a friend like that. 595 00:37:27,941 --> 00:37:29,899 [ Sighs ] 596 00:37:29,943 --> 00:37:32,685 I bet men hit on you all the time. 597 00:37:32,728 --> 00:37:34,904 You've got a hot ass. 598 00:37:36,732 --> 00:37:40,519 - Excuse me? - Your ass-- it's hot. 599 00:37:42,129 --> 00:37:44,436 Thanks. 600 00:37:47,265 --> 00:37:51,399 - Your butt's nothin' to sneeze at either. - Ooh. 601 00:37:51,443 --> 00:37:54,837 So... you must have a boyfriend. 602 00:37:54,881 --> 00:37:57,579 No, no, no, no. No boyfriend. Really? 603 00:37:57,623 --> 00:38:00,495 - Why not? - Because every boyfriend I've ever had... 604 00:38:00,539 --> 00:38:03,803 has turned out to be a son of a bitch. 605 00:38:03,846 --> 00:38:08,155 Not every guy's a--I know what you're thinking. I haven't met the right guy. 606 00:38:08,198 --> 00:38:11,767 Trust me, honey, I've met every type out there and it's pretty bad. 607 00:38:11,811 --> 00:38:14,204 Liars, guys with two wives, 608 00:38:14,248 --> 00:38:17,817 guys with commitment issues, guys with parole issues. 609 00:38:17,860 --> 00:38:20,298 You name it, I've dated them all, 610 00:38:20,341 --> 00:38:22,952 which is why I'm so relieved to be on this boat. 611 00:38:22,996 --> 00:38:25,607 There's not one straight man in sight. 612 00:38:25,651 --> 00:38:28,001 Excuse me?It's so great. 613 00:38:28,044 --> 00:38:32,135 I can really be myself. I don't care about makeup, about what I'm wearing. 614 00:38:32,179 --> 00:38:35,225 If a guy's talking to me because he wants to get into my pants-- 615 00:38:35,269 --> 00:38:38,054 Gabriella, um--You know what else? 616 00:38:38,098 --> 00:38:40,535 Let's say I do get horny. 617 00:38:40,579 --> 00:38:44,017 Maybe I can even find a gay guy, and he can do me the favor. 618 00:38:44,060 --> 00:38:46,454 "The favor"? 619 00:38:46,498 --> 00:38:48,978 How do we say in English? 620 00:38:49,022 --> 00:38:52,112 Make me scream, make me moan, 621 00:38:52,155 --> 00:38:54,984 screw my brains out. 622 00:38:55,028 --> 00:38:57,030 Ooh. 623 00:38:59,249 --> 00:39:02,122 I don't mean to be a bitch, 624 00:39:03,950 --> 00:39:07,997 but these staterooms could use a bit more color. 625 00:39:26,668 --> 00:39:30,193 All right, girls. Time for jumping jacks. 626 00:39:33,458 --> 00:39:36,417 And one, two, 627 00:39:36,461 --> 00:39:38,506 three, four, 628 00:39:38,550 --> 00:39:42,423 five, six, seven, eight-- 629 00:39:42,467 --> 00:39:44,904 Now we are laying down to sleep, 630 00:39:44,947 --> 00:39:48,211 our hot, tight bodies the Lord will keep. 631 00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:57,307 Inga, darling. It's me, Nicky. 632 00:39:57,351 --> 00:39:59,571 I'm here! 633 00:40:06,708 --> 00:40:11,757 Oh, Reverend Lindstrom, nej. 634 00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,543 This wouldn't do. What would the bishop say? 635 00:40:17,589 --> 00:40:20,243 Who's knocking at my drawers? 636 00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,856 - Oh, my-- - [ Cracking ] 637 00:40:23,899 --> 00:40:26,032 Take Mama downtown, baby! 638 00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:32,125 Oh, Mama! 639 00:40:32,168 --> 00:40:35,824 Help me, Jesus! [ Babbling ] 640 00:40:37,435 --> 00:40:40,046 [ Nick Screaming ] 641 00:40:40,089 --> 00:40:43,005 Oh! 642 00:40:46,008 --> 00:40:50,273 [ Nick Screaming ] 643 00:40:50,317 --> 00:40:52,928 [ Gasping ] 644 00:40:55,235 --> 00:40:57,019 ♪ She put the lime in the coconut and shake 'em all up ♪ 645 00:40:57,063 --> 00:40:59,848 - Nej, nej, nej. Ja, ja, ja, ja. - Get off me! 646 00:40:59,892 --> 00:41:02,634 Oh, why? 647 00:41:02,677 --> 00:41:05,027 ♪ Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up ♪ [ Coach Giggling ] 648 00:41:05,071 --> 00:41:07,595 ♪ Put the lime in the coconut and drink 'em all up ♪♪ 649 00:41:07,639 --> 00:41:10,816 - [ Screams, Grunts ] - What's that? 650 00:41:10,859 --> 00:41:13,383 It's coming from the coach's room. 651 00:41:13,427 --> 00:41:15,777 - [ All Gasp ] - [ Sighs ] 652 00:41:15,821 --> 00:41:18,824 Smokin' sturgeon! Coach's pussy just blew up! 653 00:41:18,867 --> 00:41:22,523 Was good for me. Ja. 654 00:41:22,567 --> 00:41:24,873 ♪ Sometimes it's hard to be a woman ♪ 655 00:41:26,962 --> 00:41:31,837 ♪ Givin' all your love to just one man ♪ 656 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,971 ♪ You'll have bad times You'll have good times ♪ 657 00:41:36,015 --> 00:41:39,061 ♪ Doin' things that you don't understand ♪ 658 00:41:39,105 --> 00:41:41,673 Oh, baby. 659 00:41:41,716 --> 00:41:44,980 ♪ But if you love him you'll forgive him ♪ 660 00:41:45,024 --> 00:41:49,550 ♪ Even though he's hard to understand ♪ 661 00:41:49,594 --> 00:41:52,031 ♪ And if you love him 662 00:41:52,074 --> 00:41:54,337 ♪ Oh, be proud of him 663 00:41:54,381 --> 00:41:57,515 ♪ 'Cause after all he's just a man ♪ 664 00:41:58,603 --> 00:42:01,954 ♪ Stand by your man 665 00:42:01,997 --> 00:42:04,304 ♪ Give him two arms to cling to ♪ 666 00:42:04,347 --> 00:42:08,482 ♪ And something warm to come to when the nights are cold and lonely ♪ 667 00:42:08,526 --> 00:42:10,615 ♪ Stand by your man ♪ 668 00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:13,661 [ Jerry ] I gotta tell you, Nick, she's so great. 669 00:42:13,705 --> 00:42:17,709 We had so much fun. We talked, we laughed. 670 00:42:17,752 --> 00:42:20,712 Oh, can you hand me one of those cheese-flavored penises? 671 00:42:22,278 --> 00:42:25,281 Gabriella's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. 672 00:42:25,325 --> 00:42:28,197 I even pierced my ear for her.Make sure it's the right ear. 673 00:42:28,241 --> 00:42:30,460 Of course it's-- 674 00:42:34,987 --> 00:42:38,381 Yeah, I better look into that. How was your evening? 675 00:42:38,425 --> 00:42:41,646 Let's just say I had some bad shellfish and leave it at that. 676 00:42:41,689 --> 00:42:44,126 Hey! Hold on. [ Jerry ] Here she comes. 677 00:42:44,170 --> 00:42:46,520 Grab my ass.What, are you crazy? 678 00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:49,567 I told her I was gay. Now, wet your lips and look at me lovingly. 679 00:42:49,610 --> 00:42:53,571 - I look like a homo to you? - Yes, an out-of-shape one, but we have those too. 680 00:42:53,614 --> 00:42:56,399 Thank you very much. That's enough. Move it along. Nothing to see here. Bye-bye. 681 00:42:56,443 --> 00:42:59,968 - What do you want me to do, act like I'm gay-- Ow! - Hi, boys! 682 00:43:00,012 --> 00:43:03,406 I don't believe you two have formally been introduced. This is my life partner. 683 00:43:03,450 --> 00:43:06,975 I'm not his life-- Ow!He's a little seasick this morning. 684 00:43:07,019 --> 00:43:09,499 Maybe he's just a little lovesick.Right! 685 00:43:09,543 --> 00:43:12,024 [ Screaming ] [ Bone Cracks ] 686 00:43:12,067 --> 00:43:14,983 - We're into SandM. - Oh, okay. 687 00:43:15,027 --> 00:43:19,466 Nick, maybe if you feel better later, you would like to come to my new class? 688 00:43:19,509 --> 00:43:21,773 Yeah? It's dirty dancing. 689 00:43:21,816 --> 00:43:25,167 Ooh, dirty dancing. Ooh, so taboo. 690 00:43:25,211 --> 00:43:29,737 What the hell's wrong with you? "He's my life partner!" 691 00:43:29,781 --> 00:43:32,610 You need to keep an open mind. Nick, hey! 692 00:43:34,786 --> 00:43:37,658 It's only for a few days.Quit bugging me. 693 00:43:37,702 --> 00:43:40,313 I'm getting my nuts handed to me on a platter. I wouldn't mind seeing that. 694 00:43:40,356 --> 00:43:41,880 Don't say it! 695 00:43:45,013 --> 00:43:48,060 Why not?'Cause I won't, that's why. 696 00:43:48,103 --> 00:43:52,151 Be a friend.As a friend, you're a wiener. 697 00:43:52,194 --> 00:43:56,416 Now buzz off! I'm trying to concentrate on my workout. 698 00:43:56,459 --> 00:43:58,766 You're not workin' out. 699 00:44:25,314 --> 00:44:28,404 Nick, if you do me this one favor, I promise you I-- 700 00:44:28,448 --> 00:44:30,668 Nick! 701 00:44:30,711 --> 00:44:33,714 Come on. Listen, I'm begging you. 702 00:44:33,758 --> 00:44:36,282 [ Loud Slap ] [ Man ] Aaah! 703 00:44:39,764 --> 00:44:43,811 Maybe I'll skip the steam.That's a good idea. 704 00:44:43,855 --> 00:44:46,727 Hey. Listen. 705 00:44:46,771 --> 00:44:48,947 After what happened with Felicia, 706 00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:52,037 I thought I'd never feel this way about a girl again. 707 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,779 Why are you making such a big deal about this girl? 708 00:44:54,822 --> 00:44:57,259 She's a classic man hater!No, no, no! 709 00:44:57,303 --> 00:44:59,522 See, Gabriella doesn't mean it. 710 00:44:59,566 --> 00:45:03,352 She's just had bad luck with guys she dates because they only wanna have sex with her. 711 00:45:03,396 --> 00:45:05,833 You know the type.[ Mock Laugh ] 712 00:45:05,877 --> 00:45:09,141 Don't ever take sides against the guys! 713 00:45:09,184 --> 00:45:13,493 Nick, I just need a few days to get to know her, 714 00:45:13,536 --> 00:45:15,843 and then I'll tell her the truth. 715 00:45:19,804 --> 00:45:22,589 Why are you hiding from that woman? 716 00:45:22,632 --> 00:45:26,288 Hiding! I'm not hiding. I have a cramp. 717 00:45:26,332 --> 00:45:29,509 Nick, I'm desperate. What if I offered to pay you? 718 00:45:29,552 --> 00:45:32,991 Pay me! How dare you? 719 00:45:33,034 --> 00:45:36,821 You think I'd sacrifice my dignity, my self-esteem, my whole way of life... 720 00:45:36,864 --> 00:45:39,084 for a few measly dollars? 721 00:45:39,127 --> 00:45:41,303 No!Five hundred cash? 722 00:45:41,347 --> 00:45:43,001 I'll do it! 723 00:45:45,786 --> 00:45:48,789 Come closer. You're too far away.No! 724 00:45:48,833 --> 00:45:52,401 Hey, hey, hey!Beautiful! Very nice, everyone. I love it. 725 00:45:54,534 --> 00:45:56,579 Jerry, you're light on your feet. 726 00:45:56,623 --> 00:45:58,625 Yeah, this whole place is light on its feet. Ow! 727 00:46:01,802 --> 00:46:04,762 No, Nick. Your body's too stiff. Listen to me. 728 00:46:04,805 --> 00:46:08,026 Your body, too stiff. I want you to loosen up. Come on. 729 00:46:08,069 --> 00:46:10,855 There you go. Move it. Then go and dance by yourself. 730 00:46:10,898 --> 00:46:14,075 And feel the music, Nick. Feel it. 731 00:46:22,867 --> 00:46:25,608 Feel it. 732 00:46:29,699 --> 00:46:31,701 Hmm. 733 00:46:35,575 --> 00:46:37,577 [ Chuckling ] 734 00:46:46,804 --> 00:46:48,675 Okay, everyone. Change partners. 735 00:46:55,116 --> 00:46:58,163 Cha-cha, cha-cha-cha. We meet again. 736 00:46:58,206 --> 00:47:01,688 I hope that's your belt buckle I feel back there. 737 00:47:01,731 --> 00:47:04,212 You know, from the moment we met, I felt... 738 00:47:04,256 --> 00:47:06,606 there was an electrical charge between us. 739 00:47:06,649 --> 00:47:09,870 I think your pacemaker's shortin' out. 740 00:47:09,914 --> 00:47:13,091 How did you know I like to be humiliated? 741 00:47:13,134 --> 00:47:15,963 Look, Lloyd, you're barking up the wrong tree here. 742 00:47:16,007 --> 00:47:18,923 Oh, I know! 743 00:47:18,966 --> 00:47:21,099 You want to lead. 744 00:47:21,142 --> 00:47:23,797 Lloyd, I'm not... 745 00:47:23,841 --> 00:47:26,017 interested. 746 00:47:26,060 --> 00:47:29,020 That's all right. I'm a patient man. I can wait. 747 00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:33,024 I'm also very rich. 748 00:47:33,067 --> 00:47:35,896 You know, I'd like to spoil you, Nick, 749 00:47:35,940 --> 00:47:39,378 take you places you've never been, 750 00:47:39,421 --> 00:47:42,860 show you things you've never seen. 751 00:47:42,903 --> 00:47:45,036 I'd like to-- [ Whispering ] 752 00:47:46,124 --> 00:47:48,430 Jerry! 753 00:47:48,474 --> 00:47:50,693 Cha-cha-cha. 754 00:47:51,999 --> 00:47:54,219 That's it. 755 00:47:54,262 --> 00:47:57,265 You're a really good dance teacher.Really? 756 00:47:57,309 --> 00:47:59,267 Yes.It's fun to teach a class like this. 757 00:47:59,311 --> 00:48:02,575 I always felt too self-conscious to really... 758 00:48:02,618 --> 00:48:04,838 cut loose, you know? 759 00:48:04,882 --> 00:48:07,885 We have our review here on board. It's like an amateur night thing. 760 00:48:07,928 --> 00:48:10,626 Think you'll be interested?Too public. 761 00:48:10,670 --> 00:48:13,107 I'm more of a closet dancer. 762 00:48:13,151 --> 00:48:16,241 That's a shame because I'm the choreographer. 763 00:48:16,284 --> 00:48:18,330 Really?Mm-hmm. 764 00:48:18,373 --> 00:48:21,986 Well, for you I might just waltz out of the closet. 765 00:48:23,204 --> 00:48:26,033 You know, it's strange. 766 00:48:26,077 --> 00:48:28,035 What's that? 767 00:48:28,079 --> 00:48:30,951 The way you stare at me sometimes... 768 00:48:30,995 --> 00:48:33,432 or the way you touch me, like that right now, 769 00:48:33,475 --> 00:48:36,130 is exactly the way a straight guy would. 770 00:48:36,174 --> 00:48:38,132 Me? Straight? [ Laughs ] 771 00:48:38,176 --> 00:48:40,134 Girlfriend, please. 772 00:48:40,178 --> 00:48:42,920 Whoo! Nobody's gotta teach me how to be gay. 773 00:48:44,443 --> 00:48:46,488 Bette Midler is also known... 774 00:48:46,532 --> 00:48:50,449 as the Divine Miss-- 775 00:48:50,492 --> 00:48:53,147 "M"?Ah, very good! 776 00:48:53,191 --> 00:48:55,497 Very good. Oh, sorry. 777 00:48:55,541 --> 00:48:59,197 Okay, now describe the Brandy Alexander you're drinking. 778 00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:01,199 Mmm... refreshing. 779 00:49:01,242 --> 00:49:04,550 No, no, no! It is to die for! 780 00:49:04,593 --> 00:49:08,467 Also acceptable is divine, marvelous, yummyand ooh-la-la. 781 00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:10,164 Got it.Mm-hmm. 782 00:49:12,732 --> 00:49:16,954 [ Both ] ♪ At first I was afraid I was petrified ♪ 783 00:49:16,997 --> 00:49:21,349 ♪ Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side ♪ 784 00:49:21,393 --> 00:49:24,222 ♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪ 785 00:49:24,265 --> 00:49:26,528 ♪ Thinking how you did me wrong ♪ 786 00:49:26,572 --> 00:49:28,617 ♪ Then I grew strong 787 00:49:28,661 --> 00:49:30,924 ♪ And I learned how to get along ♪ 788 00:49:30,968 --> 00:49:32,752 ♪ And now you're back 789 00:49:32,795 --> 00:49:35,059 ♪ From outer space 790 00:49:35,102 --> 00:49:38,323 ♪ I just walked in to see you there with that sad look upon your-- ♪♪ 791 00:49:38,366 --> 00:49:40,629 Why you stop singing?Whoo! 792 00:49:40,673 --> 00:49:44,546 Oh, I don't know the words.Aah! 793 00:49:44,590 --> 00:49:49,203 You want to convince people you are gay, and you don't know the words to "I Will Survive"? 794 00:49:49,247 --> 00:49:53,947 Singing disco tunes and wearing calypso outfits is not gonna convince Gabriella I'm gay. 795 00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:55,905 Hector, this is stupid. 796 00:49:57,516 --> 00:50:00,780 ♪♪ [ Humming "I Will Survive" ] 797 00:50:00,823 --> 00:50:03,826 Are you humming "I Will Survive"?That's right. 798 00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:07,700 And I know all the words. ♪♪ [ Humming ] 799 00:50:07,743 --> 00:50:10,703 You're looking at me like I'm crazy.I'm not. 800 00:50:10,746 --> 00:50:14,750 You know what? Champagne usually makes me act crazy too. 801 00:50:14,794 --> 00:50:17,971 Champagne, ocean air. 802 00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:20,887 Strange things might happen. 803 00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:23,411 I might turn into a raging heterosexual. 804 00:50:26,545 --> 00:50:29,243 I should be so lucky. Can you imagine? 805 00:50:31,071 --> 00:50:34,379 You know what? Let's get this party on its feet. Come on. 806 00:50:34,422 --> 00:50:37,599 ♪ I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes ♪ ♪ Feelin' good 807 00:50:37,643 --> 00:50:40,776 ♪ Know where I'm going and I know what to do ♪ ♪ Yeah 808 00:50:40,820 --> 00:50:44,998 ♪ I tidied up my point of view I got a new attitude ♪ 809 00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:47,609 ♪ New attitude, yeah 810 00:50:47,653 --> 00:50:50,134 ♪ I'm in control and my worries are few ♪ 811 00:50:50,177 --> 00:50:53,354 ♪ 'Cause I've got love like I never knew ♪ 812 00:50:53,398 --> 00:50:55,748 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh 813 00:50:55,791 --> 00:50:58,098 ♪ I got a new attitude ♪ 814 00:51:05,018 --> 00:51:07,020 Inga, it's me, Nicky. 815 00:51:07,064 --> 00:51:09,936 [ Knocking ]Hurry up. 816 00:51:09,979 --> 00:51:13,200 Nicky. So Mr. Tongue has a name. 817 00:51:13,244 --> 00:51:16,334 I'm sorry about what happened. You don't have to hit me. The deed was punishment enough. 818 00:51:16,377 --> 00:51:18,945 Nej, nej, nej. 819 00:51:18,988 --> 00:51:22,818 If we ever hook up again, I want to show you... I can reciprocate. 820 00:51:22,862 --> 00:51:25,299 Reciprocate? 821 00:51:25,343 --> 00:51:27,301 Whoo! Ooh. 822 00:51:27,345 --> 00:51:31,784 - [ Groans ] - [ Grunting ] 823 00:51:38,834 --> 00:51:42,229 ♪ I don't want nobody else but you ♪ 824 00:51:42,273 --> 00:51:46,407 ♪ So let me pull you close And let me love you through and through ♪ 825 00:51:46,451 --> 00:51:49,410 ♪ I don't want nobody else but you ♪ 826 00:51:49,454 --> 00:51:53,414 ♪ It's time to get away have a tête-à-tête for two ♪ 827 00:51:53,458 --> 00:51:55,590 ♪ Shake, shake shake, shake your body ♪ 828 00:51:55,634 --> 00:51:57,679 ♪ Come on, boy let's have a party ♪ 829 00:51:57,723 --> 00:52:01,248 ♪ Break out the congas and play 'em loud ♪ 830 00:52:01,292 --> 00:52:03,337 ♪ Shake up shake up the party ♪ 831 00:52:03,381 --> 00:52:05,731 ♪ Come on, boy we don't need nobody ♪ 832 00:52:05,774 --> 00:52:08,342 ♪ Together I know we'll tear up the town ♪♪ 833 00:52:10,431 --> 00:52:14,479 - Hey, Nick! - Hey, fresh meat. Have a seat, Nick. 834 00:52:14,522 --> 00:52:16,959 We can always use a little extra spending money. 835 00:52:17,003 --> 00:52:20,180 I need a quiet game of poker.Sorry I'm late, boys. 836 00:52:20,224 --> 00:52:23,401 Had a little trouble squeezing into these panty hose. 837 00:52:23,444 --> 00:52:26,317 - So, what's the game? - Five-card stud. 838 00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,928 Mm-hmm. Very appropriate. Let's play some cards. 839 00:52:30,756 --> 00:52:33,454 I'm tired, Jerry. 840 00:52:33,498 --> 00:52:36,849 You want something to drink?Whoa, whoa. One more. 841 00:52:49,470 --> 00:52:53,257 ♪♪ [ Singing In French ] 842 00:53:25,811 --> 00:53:29,858 ♪♪ [ French Continues ] 843 00:53:50,618 --> 00:53:52,620 [ Thunder Rumbling ] 844 00:53:52,664 --> 00:53:54,666 Hector. 845 00:53:56,711 --> 00:53:59,410 You've been on a boat before. Is it safe? 846 00:53:59,453 --> 00:54:02,717 Of course it's safe, as long as you are responsible. 847 00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:07,026 Oh, you mean the storm. That I do not know. 848 00:54:07,069 --> 00:54:10,247 [ Thunderclap ]Whoo! 849 00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:14,381 Let me ask you something. How many cruises have you been on? 850 00:54:14,425 --> 00:54:19,343 Including this one? That would make it... one. 851 00:54:19,386 --> 00:54:23,477 You see, I only recently come all the way out of the closet. 852 00:54:23,521 --> 00:54:25,740 Recently? Really?Mmm. 853 00:54:25,784 --> 00:54:29,396 - I would figure kindergarten. - No, but let me tell you, it wasn't easy. 854 00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:33,661 But it's better to be true to yourself than to lie to the world. 855 00:54:35,794 --> 00:54:38,840 Must have taken a lot of guts. It's funny, you know. 856 00:54:38,884 --> 00:54:42,235 These guys I'm playing poker with-- Steven, Tom, Ron. 857 00:54:42,279 --> 00:54:45,020 Steven's a doctor. A gay heart surgeon. Who would have thought? 858 00:54:45,064 --> 00:54:48,372 Ron's a criminal defense attorney. He represents badass dudes. 859 00:54:48,415 --> 00:54:51,636 Tom's a cross-dressing pastry chef. 860 00:54:51,679 --> 00:54:54,726 Okay, I would have guessed that, but still... 861 00:54:54,769 --> 00:54:57,642 they're a great bunch of guys. 862 00:54:57,685 --> 00:55:00,209 So what are you saying?What am I saying? 863 00:55:00,253 --> 00:55:04,388 What I'm saying is, I kind of wanted to hang out more with these guys, 864 00:55:04,431 --> 00:55:08,392 but there was a part of me that felt it was somehow... 865 00:55:08,435 --> 00:55:11,177 wrong to be friends with gay men. 866 00:55:13,048 --> 00:55:16,356 And that... makes me feel like a jerk. 867 00:55:21,100 --> 00:55:23,668 Sit. Come on. Sit. 868 00:55:26,932 --> 00:55:28,977 [ Sighs ] You know, my papa, 869 00:55:29,021 --> 00:55:32,372 he used to think that to be gay was muy malo, 870 00:55:32,416 --> 00:55:35,027 a big shame. 871 00:55:36,724 --> 00:55:40,293 He no talk to me for 20 years, his own blood. 872 00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:43,296 Then when he's sick, he's dying, h-he ask for me, 873 00:55:43,340 --> 00:55:46,386 he say to me, "Hector, 874 00:55:46,430 --> 00:55:49,084 "I waste so much time. 875 00:55:49,128 --> 00:55:51,304 "We all God's children. 876 00:55:51,348 --> 00:55:53,306 I'm so sorry." 877 00:55:53,350 --> 00:55:56,353 He said, he's sorry. 878 00:55:58,485 --> 00:56:00,444 Ooh. 879 00:56:00,487 --> 00:56:02,881 Uh-- 880 00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:06,972 You see, my papi, he like you. He no jerk. 881 00:56:07,015 --> 00:56:09,191 He just need to learn. 882 00:56:10,758 --> 00:56:12,847 You learn too, my friend. 883 00:56:15,241 --> 00:56:17,417 [ Door Closes ] 884 00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:20,028 [ Jerry, Gabriella Laughing ] 885 00:56:20,072 --> 00:56:22,988 Ohh! Ow, I'm hurting. 886 00:56:23,031 --> 00:56:27,122 [ Thunderclap ]Oh, it feels so good to get off my feet! 887 00:56:27,166 --> 00:56:29,951 Ohh!I couldn't agree with you more. 888 00:56:32,998 --> 00:56:34,956 You know what? 889 00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,438 I've got to get out of these clothes. 890 00:56:38,482 --> 00:56:41,049 I couldn't agree with you more. 891 00:56:41,093 --> 00:56:44,488 Listen, would you mind doing me a huge, 892 00:56:44,531 --> 00:56:46,881 huge favor? 893 00:56:46,925 --> 00:56:50,450 Would you spend the night with me?What? 894 00:56:50,494 --> 00:56:52,800 Yeah, you know, it's the storm. 895 00:56:52,844 --> 00:56:56,543 I wouldn't mind huddling under the covers with somebody. 896 00:56:56,587 --> 00:56:59,328 You think Nick would mind? 897 00:56:59,372 --> 00:57:02,114 Oh-- 898 00:57:02,157 --> 00:57:04,116 Fuck Nick. [ Thunderclap ] 899 00:57:04,159 --> 00:57:06,771 Is this storm gettin' worse... 900 00:57:06,814 --> 00:57:10,296 or am I too drunker? 901 00:57:10,339 --> 00:57:13,560 I have a theory. 902 00:57:13,604 --> 00:57:16,563 I think if we drank more, 903 00:57:16,607 --> 00:57:18,652 we might be able to maintain perfect equilibrium. 904 00:57:18,696 --> 00:57:20,654 I'll try that... 905 00:57:20,698 --> 00:57:24,136 in the pursuit of... science. 906 00:57:24,179 --> 00:57:27,922 I'll get us another round.I have a better idea. 907 00:57:27,966 --> 00:57:31,360 I have a 50-year-old bottle of cognac... 908 00:57:31,404 --> 00:57:33,406 in my room, 909 00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:35,713 and I'm gonna go get it. 910 00:57:35,756 --> 00:57:37,715 I'll go with you. 911 00:57:37,758 --> 00:57:39,934 I could use the exercise. 912 00:57:39,978 --> 00:57:42,197 All right. 913 00:57:42,241 --> 00:57:45,679 [ Gabriella ] Jerry. We can get up from under the covers. 914 00:57:45,723 --> 00:57:48,639 I think the storm was over like half an hour ago. 915 00:57:49,901 --> 00:57:53,948 That's one hell of a storm, though. 916 00:57:53,992 --> 00:57:56,516 You know what? I have something you're gonna love! 917 00:57:56,560 --> 00:58:00,389 Mmm! Get ready to have an orgasm.What? 918 00:58:02,043 --> 00:58:03,784 Open wide. 919 00:58:06,091 --> 00:58:08,049 Mmm.Good? 920 00:58:08,093 --> 00:58:11,488 - Mm-hmm. - [ Moans, Sighs ] 921 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,275 - Do me. - You're so lucky I'm gay. 922 00:58:20,279 --> 00:58:24,283 Oh! Mmm! 923 00:58:24,326 --> 00:58:27,373 [ Moaning ] 924 00:58:27,416 --> 00:58:30,202 - Can I ask you something? - Shoot. 925 00:58:30,245 --> 00:58:33,466 - How do you do it? - Do what? 926 00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:37,209 - Give head. - What? 927 00:58:37,252 --> 00:58:41,996 A blow job. I mean, do you start on the tip of his penis? 928 00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:45,086 Do you stroke it while you use your mouth? 929 00:58:45,130 --> 00:58:48,960 Do you tickle the balls?Not everybody likes that. 930 00:58:49,003 --> 00:58:52,790 As a person who gives them and receives them, you must know the perfect way. 931 00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:54,792 Show me.Oh! Uh-- 932 00:58:54,835 --> 00:58:57,882 What?Uh-- 933 00:58:57,925 --> 00:59:00,188 Okay. 934 00:59:02,930 --> 00:59:04,671 Um-- 935 00:59:06,543 --> 00:59:09,284 Um-- [ Chuckles ] 936 00:59:09,328 --> 00:59:12,766 What?Eh-- You-- 937 00:59:12,810 --> 00:59:15,943 Nothing smaller then? 938 00:59:15,987 --> 00:59:18,206 You know, I got an idea. 939 00:59:18,250 --> 00:59:22,384 Why don't you show me your technique, and then I'll critique it? 940 00:59:23,472 --> 00:59:25,953 Okay.Okay. 941 00:59:25,997 --> 00:59:28,216 Okay.Okay. 942 00:59:28,260 --> 00:59:30,218 Yeah. So look. 943 00:59:30,262 --> 00:59:32,786 First, 944 00:59:32,830 --> 00:59:36,007 I slowly lick the tip with my tongue, right? 945 00:59:36,050 --> 00:59:38,009 Uh-huh. 946 00:59:41,752 --> 00:59:44,493 [ Moans ] 947 00:59:44,537 --> 00:59:46,757 - Right? - That's good. 948 00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:49,760 Then I gently go down the shaft with my lips. 949 00:59:51,152 --> 00:59:53,372 [ Kissing ] 950 00:59:53,415 --> 00:59:57,985 And at the same time, I tickle the balls very softly. 951 00:59:58,029 --> 01:00:01,685 Then I trill my tongue all the way... [ Moans ] 952 01:00:05,427 --> 01:00:07,865 back to the top. 953 01:00:07,908 --> 01:00:10,345 Then I wet my lips, 954 01:00:10,389 --> 01:00:12,783 [ Moans ] 955 01:00:12,826 --> 01:00:15,655 I do a little playful nibbling... 956 01:00:17,135 --> 01:00:19,746 and then I slip in my mouth. 957 01:00:22,401 --> 01:00:26,100 [ Speaks Spanish ] 958 01:00:26,144 --> 01:00:29,103 [ Spanish ] 959 01:00:30,409 --> 01:00:32,629 How's that? 960 01:00:32,672 --> 01:00:35,283 - Jerry? - That's fine! 961 01:00:35,327 --> 01:00:36,676 [ Foghorn Bellows ] 962 01:00:40,462 --> 01:00:43,988 For goodness sake, Lloyd, at least kiss me first. 963 01:00:44,031 --> 01:00:46,338 [ Laughing ] No, you didn't. 964 01:00:46,381 --> 01:00:50,342 Oh, yes, I did. 965 01:00:50,385 --> 01:00:53,606 Oh, now where did I put that bag? 966 01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:55,913 I'm just gonna lay down. 967 01:00:55,956 --> 01:00:57,871 [ Snores ] 968 01:01:00,482 --> 01:01:02,920 [ Groans ] Got it. 969 01:01:02,963 --> 01:01:05,966 [ Snoring ] 970 01:01:06,010 --> 01:01:08,534 Now, before we go back up with the boys, 971 01:01:08,577 --> 01:01:10,971 what do you say we do a couple of shots? 972 01:01:11,015 --> 01:01:15,715 [ Giggling ]You're a goddamn genius. 973 01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:18,152 Here you go. 974 01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:20,198 Oh. [ Scoffs ] 975 01:01:30,208 --> 01:01:32,776 [ Snoring ] 976 01:02:03,241 --> 01:02:05,809 [ Moans ] 977 01:02:11,989 --> 01:02:14,513 [ Screaming ] Oh, 978 01:02:14,556 --> 01:02:17,429 my... God! 979 01:02:17,472 --> 01:02:20,519 Aaah! 980 01:02:27,526 --> 01:02:29,876 What are you doing? 981 01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:32,966 I have a horrible taste in my mouth, and I can't get rid of it. 982 01:02:33,010 --> 01:02:34,968 What, did you eat something weird? 983 01:02:35,012 --> 01:02:37,057 Yeah.Oh-- 984 01:02:37,101 --> 01:02:40,321 I did a bad, bad thing, Jerry.What? 985 01:02:40,365 --> 01:02:42,584 You know how the sea air makes you disoriented, 986 01:02:42,628 --> 01:02:45,457 and I was blitzed from the drinking and the partying, and I-I-- 987 01:02:45,500 --> 01:02:48,460 I slept with a man, Jerry. 988 01:02:48,503 --> 01:02:50,462 Very funny. 989 01:02:50,505 --> 01:02:53,334 No, it's not. 990 01:02:53,378 --> 01:02:56,337 I just woke up in Ron's state room... with Ron. 991 01:02:56,381 --> 01:02:58,296 What? 992 01:02:59,601 --> 01:03:02,387 I've chased a lot of women, Jerry. 993 01:03:02,430 --> 01:03:04,737 But to be honest, 994 01:03:04,781 --> 01:03:07,696 I've never actually scored with one since I was a senior in high school, 995 01:03:07,740 --> 01:03:10,395 and then I had to promise to marry her. 996 01:03:10,438 --> 01:03:13,572 A 51-year-old coffee shop waitress... 997 01:03:13,615 --> 01:03:16,270 and stroke victim... 998 01:03:16,314 --> 01:03:18,620 with a fake leg... 999 01:03:18,664 --> 01:03:20,622 and a lazy eye... 1000 01:03:20,666 --> 01:03:22,581 and a mole with teeth--I-I got it. 1001 01:03:22,624 --> 01:03:25,236 What I'm trying to say is, 1002 01:03:25,279 --> 01:03:28,761 maybe I'm meant to do more than just play cards with these guys, Jerry. 1003 01:03:28,805 --> 01:03:31,764 [ Scoffs ]I'm finally happy. 1004 01:03:31,808 --> 01:03:33,897 I'm so happy. 1005 01:03:33,940 --> 01:03:35,899 I'm gay. 1006 01:03:35,942 --> 01:03:39,119 [ Gabriella ] One, two, three, 1007 01:03:39,163 --> 01:03:42,470 four, five, six, 1008 01:03:42,514 --> 01:03:44,690 seven, eight-- 1009 01:03:44,733 --> 01:03:48,302 And one, two, three, four, 1010 01:03:48,346 --> 01:03:50,304 five, six, seven, eight. 1011 01:03:50,348 --> 01:03:52,829 Good. Good work, guys. 1012 01:03:52,872 --> 01:03:55,788 Good work. Hector, try not shaking your ass so much. 1013 01:03:55,832 --> 01:03:57,877 You mean in the dance or in real life? 1014 01:03:59,574 --> 01:04:01,533 Okay, guys, thank you so much for coming. 1015 01:04:01,576 --> 01:04:04,014 I'll see you back here tonight at 11:00. 1016 01:04:04,057 --> 01:04:06,755 Jerry, you are looking fierce up there. 1017 01:04:06,799 --> 01:04:09,280 Oh-- [ Laughing ] 1018 01:04:09,323 --> 01:04:11,804 I can't remember when I've had this much fun. 1019 01:04:11,848 --> 01:04:14,154 You know, you are just great. 1020 01:04:14,198 --> 01:04:16,896 Hey, 1021 01:04:16,940 --> 01:04:19,203 are you gonna go to the island?I am. 1022 01:04:19,246 --> 01:04:22,162 Do you want me to be your tour guide? I know the island very well. 1023 01:04:22,206 --> 01:04:24,556 That would be yummy. 1024 01:04:24,599 --> 01:04:27,428 Yummy?Uh, let's go. 1025 01:04:37,961 --> 01:04:41,790 Nicholas, I was beginning to wonder about you. 1026 01:04:41,834 --> 01:04:44,576 I'm glad to see that you finally got that luscious, 1027 01:04:44,619 --> 01:04:48,493 full-figured frame of yours in the right dinghy. 1028 01:04:48,536 --> 01:04:51,322 It's amazing. A day ago I would have seriously thought about... 1029 01:04:51,365 --> 01:04:53,802 punching you in the face for saying something like that. 1030 01:04:53,846 --> 01:04:57,110 This place is paradise.Oh, yeah. We're gonna have an awesome time. 1031 01:04:57,154 --> 01:05:01,941 I'll say. I can already feel the men around here undressing me with their eyes. 1032 01:05:01,985 --> 01:05:04,726 You hungry? You want to get something to eat?Nope. I have a better idea. 1033 01:05:04,770 --> 01:05:08,121 Let's go exploring first.Great. 1034 01:05:08,165 --> 01:05:11,211 Daddy, thanks so much for finding out where Jerry is for me. 1035 01:05:11,255 --> 01:05:13,431 Yeah, I'm sure things are gonna work out too. 1036 01:05:13,474 --> 01:05:15,824 Bye-bye. Love you, Daddy. 1037 01:05:15,868 --> 01:05:18,784 How do I get to the Olympia Voyager?Right this way, madam. 1038 01:05:18,827 --> 01:05:21,656 Be careful with those bags. They're worth more than you make in a year. 1039 01:05:21,700 --> 01:05:23,397 [ Chuckling ] Bon voyage. 1040 01:05:23,441 --> 01:05:25,356 Bitch. 1041 01:05:26,879 --> 01:05:29,186 Hey, Nick. How ya doin'? 1042 01:05:29,229 --> 01:05:32,667 Hey, fine. I'm not sore or anything. 1043 01:05:32,711 --> 01:05:34,669 Hey, buddy, about last night, 1044 01:05:34,713 --> 01:05:36,802 I understand why it happened. 1045 01:05:36,845 --> 01:05:38,717 I mean, uh, I'm pretty charismatic, 1046 01:05:38,760 --> 01:05:40,980 and if the moon hits me in just the right way, 1047 01:05:41,024 --> 01:05:42,764 I can look pretty damn tasty. 1048 01:05:42,808 --> 01:05:45,419 You know, you're okay too, 1049 01:05:45,463 --> 01:05:47,987 but, uh, I'd just really rather we stay friends. 1050 01:05:48,031 --> 01:05:50,816 All right. Me too, Nick. 1051 01:05:50,859 --> 01:05:53,427 Yeah? Wow.Yeah. 1052 01:05:53,471 --> 01:05:56,909 If I would have said that to a chick, she'd be a total mess right now. 1053 01:05:56,953 --> 01:05:59,303 I'm starting to see the upside to this whole thing. [ Marching Approaching ] 1054 01:05:59,346 --> 01:06:02,175 If you do what Sonya says-- one, two, three, four. 1055 01:06:02,219 --> 01:06:05,787 Woke up with no tanning cream, now you're off the tanning team. 1056 01:06:05,831 --> 01:06:08,051 One, two, three, four--Coach, 1057 01:06:08,094 --> 01:06:10,009 look, it's the Hawaiian Tropic team. 1058 01:06:17,060 --> 01:06:22,456 [ Swedish ] 1059 01:06:26,634 --> 01:06:28,941 [ Man ] Hey, break it up, ladies. Come on. Move. 1060 01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:31,465 Come on. Take it easy. 1061 01:06:31,509 --> 01:06:34,991 [ Whistles ] Break it up. Break it up. 1062 01:06:35,034 --> 01:06:37,036 Save it for the tanning competition. 1063 01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:41,127 Bad! You are bad! Everybody move out now! 1064 01:06:47,699 --> 01:06:50,136 Okay, girls, get your heinies on the donkeys... 1065 01:06:50,180 --> 01:06:52,095 now! 1066 01:06:53,183 --> 01:06:56,708 Nick? 1067 01:06:56,751 --> 01:06:59,798 I just wanted to say good-bye. I'm going to the airport now. 1068 01:06:59,841 --> 01:07:03,410 Inga, it was great almost knowing you. 1069 01:07:03,454 --> 01:07:06,370 Nick, if you're ever near Gettzemuüllersteigen, Sweden, 1070 01:07:06,413 --> 01:07:08,372 I would love to see you again. 1071 01:07:08,415 --> 01:07:10,461 I don't think so, baby. 1072 01:07:10,504 --> 01:07:12,463 I don't think this is gonna work out. 1073 01:07:12,506 --> 01:07:15,988 But I thought you liked me, Nick. 1074 01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:18,208 I'm confused. 1075 01:07:18,251 --> 01:07:21,341 [ Sighs ] So am I. You don't even know. 1076 01:07:21,385 --> 01:07:23,865 You better hurry. You have an ass to catch. 1077 01:07:23,909 --> 01:07:26,607 [ Sniffling ] 1078 01:07:26,651 --> 01:07:30,133 And you? Huh. Hey. 1079 01:07:33,005 --> 01:07:35,094 [ Sonya ] And we go. 1080 01:07:37,401 --> 01:07:39,403 Oh, that feels good. 1081 01:07:41,535 --> 01:07:44,799 Hey, Nick. About last night, 1082 01:07:44,843 --> 01:07:47,672 you don't think anything happened, do you? 1083 01:07:47,715 --> 01:07:49,674 What do you think happened? 1084 01:07:49,717 --> 01:07:53,678 Nothing. You and I drank too much and then fell asleep. 1085 01:07:53,721 --> 01:07:56,681 Are you sure?Yeah. 1086 01:07:56,724 --> 01:07:59,553 Inga! 1087 01:07:59,597 --> 01:08:03,992 [ Cackling ] Inga! 1088 01:08:04,036 --> 01:08:06,082 Well, I think we lost that one forever. 1089 01:08:06,125 --> 01:08:08,171 A lot of potential in that boy. 1090 01:08:08,214 --> 01:08:11,217 Could have been one of the great ones. 1091 01:08:11,261 --> 01:08:13,915 I saw in him what I saw in Elton John.Mmm. 1092 01:08:27,712 --> 01:08:29,670 What do you think? 1093 01:08:29,714 --> 01:08:32,586 That is so great. 1094 01:08:32,630 --> 01:08:36,416 - But I'm not nearly that pretty. - You are to me. 1095 01:08:36,460 --> 01:08:38,984 You know, you are so talented, Jerry. 1096 01:08:39,027 --> 01:08:40,725 You think so?Wow. Absolutely. 1097 01:08:40,768 --> 01:08:42,988 [ Snickers ] 1098 01:08:43,031 --> 01:08:46,470 Why the funny look?Oh, nothing. It's-- 1099 01:08:46,513 --> 01:08:48,689 No one's ever encouraged my drawing before. 1100 01:08:48,733 --> 01:08:51,301 Well, that's crazy, because you're wonderful. 1101 01:08:52,824 --> 01:08:54,782 Let's go take a walk on the beach. Come on. 1102 01:08:54,826 --> 01:08:57,350 Oh, it's so rocky. 1103 01:08:57,394 --> 01:09:00,048 Jerry,stop being so delicate all the time. 1104 01:09:00,092 --> 01:09:02,181 [ Scoffs ] I'm not delicate. 1105 01:09:02,225 --> 01:09:06,620 [ Whimpering ] Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, I'm delicate! 1106 01:09:06,664 --> 01:09:08,666 And it's hot! 1107 01:09:08,709 --> 01:09:11,234 Come on. I know what we can do. Let's go cool off. 1108 01:09:11,277 --> 01:09:14,062 ♪ As I'm kissing you Oh. 1109 01:09:14,106 --> 01:09:16,761 ♪ As I'm kissing you 1110 01:09:16,804 --> 01:09:18,632 I'm not that delicate. Ooh, ah. 1111 01:09:21,592 --> 01:09:25,117 ♪ Boy, the taste of your lips pulls me in deeper ♪ 1112 01:09:25,161 --> 01:09:28,381 H-H-Here I come! ♪ Nothing else would compare 1113 01:09:28,425 --> 01:09:31,515 ♪ Or ever be sweeter 1114 01:09:31,558 --> 01:09:34,822 ♪ With every breath you've got me drowning in desire ♪ 1115 01:09:34,866 --> 01:09:39,044 ♪ So hold me tight And, baby, never let me go ♪ 1116 01:09:39,087 --> 01:09:42,090 ♪ As I'm kissing you ♪ As I'm kissing you 1117 01:09:42,134 --> 01:09:44,876 ♪ My world seems brighter 1118 01:09:44,919 --> 01:09:49,620 ♪ Boy, tell me do you feel this fire too ♪ 1119 01:09:49,663 --> 01:09:54,451 ♪ I think I'm losin' my heart to you, darlin' ♪ ♪ Losin' my heart 1120 01:09:54,494 --> 01:09:57,193 ♪ Are you ready to catch me 1121 01:09:57,236 --> 01:10:00,196 ♪ I'm fallin' in love 1122 01:10:00,239 --> 01:10:03,721 Had your vitamin C today? 1123 01:10:03,764 --> 01:10:07,377 You know, you really make me laugh. 1124 01:10:08,726 --> 01:10:11,294 Mmm. 1125 01:10:12,382 --> 01:10:15,733 I'm so glad we met.[ Gasps ] 1126 01:10:15,776 --> 01:10:17,996 Mm-hmm. 1127 01:10:18,039 --> 01:10:21,434 You know, it really is a shame... 1128 01:10:21,478 --> 01:10:23,219 to let this place go to waste. 1129 01:10:24,568 --> 01:10:27,266 Just a friendly kiss.Mmm. 1130 01:10:27,310 --> 01:10:30,008 [ Moaning ] 1131 01:10:31,488 --> 01:10:33,794 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1132 01:10:33,838 --> 01:10:36,623 Jerry, I don't want to feel like I am pressuring you... 1133 01:10:36,667 --> 01:10:39,104 into doing something you don't want to do. 1134 01:10:39,147 --> 01:10:40,975 Oh, I want to do this very badly. 1135 01:10:41,019 --> 01:10:43,326 Really?Yes. 1136 01:10:43,369 --> 01:10:46,633 Okay. So, let me be your guide. 1137 01:10:46,677 --> 01:10:50,071 And I promise, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna be gentle. 1138 01:10:50,115 --> 01:10:52,117 I'm gonna be patient. 1139 01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:55,947 And we're gonna take it very, very slowly. 1140 01:10:55,990 --> 01:10:57,949 - Great. - [ Screams ] 1141 01:10:57,992 --> 01:11:00,821 [ Gasping ] 1142 01:11:00,865 --> 01:11:03,650 Ooh! 1143 01:11:03,694 --> 01:11:06,262 [ Moaning ] 1144 01:11:06,305 --> 01:11:09,439 ♪ As I'm kissing you 1145 01:11:11,310 --> 01:11:15,445 ♪ As I'm kissing you [ Gabriella Moaning ] 1146 01:11:15,488 --> 01:11:19,100 ♪ As I'm kissing you 1147 01:11:22,103 --> 01:11:25,150 ♪ Are you ready to catch me I'm fallin' in love ♪♪ 1148 01:11:25,193 --> 01:11:27,805 Jerry, Jerry, 1149 01:11:27,848 --> 01:11:31,025 you're a really quick study. 1150 01:11:31,069 --> 01:11:32,984 That's enough foreplay. 1151 01:11:35,813 --> 01:11:39,860 Excuse me. Could you ring Jerry Robinson's room, please? 1152 01:11:39,904 --> 01:11:41,688 Certainly. 1153 01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:49,435 [ Chuckles ][ Ringing ] 1154 01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:51,437 No one seems to be answering, ma'am. 1155 01:11:51,481 --> 01:11:53,787 Oh-- Could you give me his room number? 1156 01:11:53,831 --> 01:11:56,094 I'm sorry. We're not allowed to divulge that information. 1157 01:11:56,137 --> 01:11:58,662 Would you like to leave a message? 1158 01:11:58,705 --> 01:12:01,795 No, thanks. I want to surprise him. 1159 01:12:03,144 --> 01:12:05,930 Thank you. 1160 01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:12,937 [ Scoffs ] 1161 01:12:15,461 --> 01:12:19,160 Want to have dinner with me tonight? 1162 01:12:19,204 --> 01:12:24,252 No.Why not? 1163 01:12:24,296 --> 01:12:28,866 Because I'm falling in love with you. 1164 01:12:28,909 --> 01:12:30,955 You are? 1165 01:12:30,998 --> 01:12:33,218 Yes, I am. 1166 01:12:33,261 --> 01:12:35,220 And out of all the dumb, 1167 01:12:35,263 --> 01:12:37,570 boneheaded romantic moves I've made over the years, 1168 01:12:37,614 --> 01:12:39,833 you see, this will be the dumbest. 1169 01:12:39,877 --> 01:12:42,532 No-No-No. Wait, Gabriella. This-This could work. 1170 01:12:42,575 --> 01:12:44,925 How do you think this is gonna work? 1171 01:12:44,969 --> 01:12:47,014 I can't make you into something you're not, Jerry. 1172 01:12:47,058 --> 01:12:49,930 I do that with every man I fall for, 1173 01:12:49,974 --> 01:12:51,628 and it has to stop. 1174 01:12:54,021 --> 01:12:57,851 Besides, you already have someone.No, I don't. 1175 01:12:57,895 --> 01:12:59,984 What about Nick? 1176 01:13:00,027 --> 01:13:02,726 Uh-- 1177 01:13:04,075 --> 01:13:07,034 That's just... physical. 1178 01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:10,821 Listen. I have to accept who you really are. 1179 01:13:10,864 --> 01:13:13,258 I really want to be alone right now. 1180 01:13:30,580 --> 01:13:32,625 [ Squeals ] 1181 01:13:47,814 --> 01:13:49,947 [ Clears Throat ] Hi. 1182 01:13:49,990 --> 01:13:52,123 Hi. 1183 01:13:52,166 --> 01:13:54,342 It's kind of nice seeing another woman on board. 1184 01:13:54,386 --> 01:13:56,388 Oh, tell me about it. 1185 01:13:56,432 --> 01:13:58,956 All I've seen are men, most of them gay. 1186 01:13:58,999 --> 01:14:00,914 Well, it is a gay cruise. 1187 01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:04,004 [ Sighs ] 1188 01:14:04,048 --> 01:14:06,485 - What'd you just say? - You didn't know? 1189 01:14:06,529 --> 01:14:10,489 No. I came on board to get back together with my boyfriend. 1190 01:14:10,533 --> 01:14:14,319 I don't get it. Why in the world would he be on a g-- 1191 01:14:14,362 --> 01:14:17,148 [ Elevator Dings ] 1192 01:14:18,149 --> 01:14:20,673 Good luck. 1193 01:14:20,717 --> 01:14:22,632 Thanks. 1194 01:14:24,547 --> 01:14:26,505 Hector! Ooh-- 1195 01:14:26,549 --> 01:14:28,725 [ Crash ] 1196 01:14:28,768 --> 01:14:31,249 Have you seen Gabriella?No, I've been looking for her myself. 1197 01:14:31,292 --> 01:14:34,034 Everything is falling apart. The music is not ready-- 1198 01:14:34,078 --> 01:14:38,125 Victor, the lead dancer, is seasick. 1199 01:14:38,169 --> 01:14:41,085 And look at my costume. Huh? It hangs. 1200 01:14:41,128 --> 01:14:43,609 It's supposed to drape. 1201 01:14:43,653 --> 01:14:46,307 Okay. If you see Gabriella, could you give her this message for me, please? 1202 01:14:46,351 --> 01:14:48,527 [ Screams ] 1203 01:14:48,571 --> 01:14:51,138 How could I have been so blind? 1204 01:14:51,182 --> 01:14:53,358 I mean, the signs were right in front of my eyes. 1205 01:14:53,401 --> 01:14:56,230 [ Hiccups ] Foreign films, 1206 01:14:56,274 --> 01:14:58,276 Rabbit convertible, 1207 01:14:58,319 --> 01:15:02,106 gourmet mustards-- 1208 01:15:02,149 --> 01:15:04,369 Wait. 1209 01:15:04,412 --> 01:15:07,459 Maybe he's only curious. 1210 01:15:07,503 --> 01:15:10,636 I mean, there was that one time when I was in college, 1211 01:15:10,680 --> 01:15:13,639 my roommate Bianca and I, we shared a Jacuzzi. 1212 01:15:13,683 --> 01:15:17,425 [ Chuckling ] Whoa. Now that got kind of hot. 1213 01:15:19,427 --> 01:15:22,300 Oh. 1214 01:15:22,343 --> 01:15:25,564 I got to go, Bob. Keep the change.Thanks. 1215 01:15:28,045 --> 01:15:30,177 Think twice before you-- 1216 01:15:30,221 --> 01:15:34,007 ♪ Blow the man down 1217 01:15:34,051 --> 01:15:36,880 [ Hector ] Woo-hoo-hoo! Thank you. 1218 01:15:36,923 --> 01:15:40,100 Okay. Get everybody ready for the next number. They have less than a minute. 1219 01:15:42,233 --> 01:15:45,236 What? 1220 01:15:45,279 --> 01:15:48,631 Nobody told me Victor was too sick to dance. Who's gonna be the lead? 1221 01:15:48,674 --> 01:15:52,286 ♪ I'm comin' 1222 01:15:52,330 --> 01:15:54,462 ♪ Comin' out 1223 01:15:56,769 --> 01:15:59,990 ♪ I'm comin' I'm comin'... 1224 01:16:00,033 --> 01:16:02,035 ♪ Out out. 1225 01:16:02,079 --> 01:16:04,690 Oh, my God. 1226 01:16:04,734 --> 01:16:07,214 [ Lip-synching ] ♪ I'm comin' out 1227 01:16:07,258 --> 01:16:11,915 ♪ I want the world to know Got to let it show ♪ 1228 01:16:11,958 --> 01:16:15,048 ♪ I'm comin' out 1229 01:16:15,092 --> 01:16:19,183 ♪ I want the world to know Got to let it show ♪ 1230 01:16:20,793 --> 01:16:24,797 ♪ I'm comin' 1231 01:16:24,841 --> 01:16:27,713 ♪ Out 1232 01:16:27,757 --> 01:16:30,629 ♪ There's a new me comin' out 1233 01:16:30,673 --> 01:16:33,719 ♪ And I just have to live And I just wanna give ♪ 1234 01:16:33,763 --> 01:16:36,592 ♪ I'm completely positive 1235 01:16:36,635 --> 01:16:38,724 ♪ I think this time around 1236 01:16:38,768 --> 01:16:42,641 ♪ I am gonna do it like you never knew it ♪ 1237 01:16:42,685 --> 01:16:44,774 ♪ Oh, I'll make it through 1238 01:16:44,817 --> 01:16:48,647 ♪ The time has come for me to break out of this shell ♪ 1239 01:16:48,691 --> 01:16:52,390 ♪ I have to shout that I am comin' out ♪ 1240 01:16:52,433 --> 01:16:55,349 ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ Oh, yeah 1241 01:16:55,393 --> 01:16:57,613 ♪ I want the world to know 1242 01:16:57,656 --> 01:16:59,919 ♪ Got to let it show 1243 01:16:59,963 --> 01:17:02,182 ♪ Oh, I'm comin' out 1244 01:17:02,226 --> 01:17:05,055 ♪ Comin' out ♪ I want the world to know 1245 01:17:05,098 --> 01:17:08,624 ♪ Got to let it show ♪ Oh, yeah 1246 01:17:08,667 --> 01:17:11,148 ♪ I'm comin' 1247 01:17:11,191 --> 01:17:12,845 ♪ Out 1248 01:17:14,368 --> 01:17:16,588 Oh-- 1249 01:17:16,632 --> 01:17:19,156 ♪ I'm comin' out ♪ Comin' 1250 01:17:19,199 --> 01:17:21,375 ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Out 1251 01:17:21,419 --> 01:17:23,682 ♪ Got to let it show 1252 01:17:23,726 --> 01:17:25,728 ♪ Whoo-oo, I'm ♪ I'm comin' out 1253 01:17:25,771 --> 01:17:27,773 ♪ Comin' 1254 01:17:27,817 --> 01:17:29,470 ♪ I want the world to know ♪ Out 1255 01:17:29,514 --> 01:17:31,908 ♪ Got to let it show 1256 01:17:31,951 --> 01:17:34,954 ♪ Comin' out ♪ I'm comin' out 1257 01:17:34,998 --> 01:17:36,956 ♪ Comin' ♪ I want the world to know 1258 01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,915 ♪ Out ♪ Got to let it show 1259 01:17:40,830 --> 01:17:42,788 ♪ I'm ♪ I'm comin' out 1260 01:17:42,832 --> 01:17:44,834 ♪ Comin' ♪ I want the world to know 1261 01:17:44,877 --> 01:17:48,141 ♪ Out ♪ Got to let it show ♪ 1262 01:17:53,407 --> 01:17:55,192 Cocksucker! 1263 01:17:55,235 --> 01:17:58,456 Felicia. 1264 01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:02,112 I was talkin' to him. 1265 01:18:02,155 --> 01:18:04,418 Bu-- 1266 01:18:04,462 --> 01:18:05,811 [ Crying ] [ Jerry ] Felicia! 1267 01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:11,121 Felicia, what are you doing here? 1268 01:18:11,164 --> 01:18:13,732 Don't even talk to me. I feel so humiliated. 1269 01:18:13,776 --> 01:18:15,734 Oh.Well, how did you find me? 1270 01:18:15,778 --> 01:18:18,824 What were you thinking about when we were making love-- cabana boys? 1271 01:18:18,868 --> 01:18:23,481 Hey, hey-- I am not gay.And to think, I wanted to be your wife! 1272 01:18:23,524 --> 01:18:25,788 What? 1273 01:18:25,831 --> 01:18:28,268 I really missed you, Jerry. 1274 01:18:28,312 --> 01:18:30,662 All the special times we had-- we complimented each other. 1275 01:18:30,706 --> 01:18:33,404 We could have built a life together. 1276 01:18:33,447 --> 01:18:35,406 Built a life together?Yes. 1277 01:18:35,449 --> 01:18:37,669 Well, what about Andre, the buffer boy? 1278 01:18:37,713 --> 01:18:39,889 It was just a fling.Oh-- 1279 01:18:39,932 --> 01:18:42,718 A horrible, thoughtless, insensitive mistake.Eh-- 1280 01:18:42,761 --> 01:18:45,198 But he showed me what I really wanted--Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 1281 01:18:45,242 --> 01:18:47,853 A stable, decent man who will always be there for me. 1282 01:18:47,897 --> 01:18:51,030 And I thought that that was you. 1283 01:18:51,074 --> 01:18:53,685 [ Sighs ] What are you saying? You want to get back together? 1284 01:18:53,729 --> 01:18:57,123 Well, I did... before I found out that you were gay. 1285 01:18:59,125 --> 01:19:01,388 How could you think I'm gay? 1286 01:19:01,432 --> 01:19:04,304 You're standing there preening like a gay peacock, 1287 01:19:04,348 --> 01:19:06,742 and you don't want me to think you're tutti-frutti? 1288 01:19:06,785 --> 01:19:08,961 For heaven's sake, Felicia! 1289 01:19:09,005 --> 01:19:11,964 I am not gay, and I never have been gay. 1290 01:19:12,008 --> 01:19:14,227 Then why the hell are you on this boat? 1291 01:19:14,271 --> 01:19:18,536 Nick--Nick and I got on this cruise by mistake. 1292 01:19:18,579 --> 01:19:22,105 And then I met this girl and she assumed I was gay. 1293 01:19:22,148 --> 01:19:25,456 And then I stupidly went along with it because-- 1294 01:19:25,499 --> 01:19:27,632 She's behind me, isn't she? 1295 01:19:27,675 --> 01:19:30,417 [ Sighs ] 1296 01:19:30,461 --> 01:19:32,115 [ Groans ] 1297 01:19:34,334 --> 01:19:36,859 How could you? 1298 01:19:36,902 --> 01:19:39,687 Gabriella, I'm sorry. 1299 01:19:39,731 --> 01:19:42,690 - I tried to tell you. - You're an asshole, Jerry. 1300 01:19:42,734 --> 01:19:45,476 [ Sighs ] I-- Ow! 1301 01:19:45,519 --> 01:19:47,652 [ Squeals ] [ Felicia ] Oh, oh-- 1302 01:19:47,695 --> 01:19:50,176 Oh! Oh, oh.Not again! 1303 01:19:50,220 --> 01:19:52,788 Oh. 1304 01:19:54,398 --> 01:19:57,531 That was the girl I was talking about. 1305 01:19:57,575 --> 01:20:01,622 Well, looks like you had a dumb fling yourself. 1306 01:20:01,666 --> 01:20:04,495 I tell you what, if you can forgive me, 1307 01:20:04,538 --> 01:20:06,540 I can certainly forgive you. 1308 01:20:06,584 --> 01:20:10,675 And we can get married just like you always wanted, Jerry. 1309 01:20:10,718 --> 01:20:12,633 Oh, I love you, baby. 1310 01:20:12,677 --> 01:20:14,592 What do you say? 1311 01:20:17,116 --> 01:20:19,379 [ Man ] Great. Now one of the bride and groom... 1312 01:20:19,423 --> 01:20:22,774 staring at each other lovingly. 1313 01:20:22,818 --> 01:20:25,864 You look so beautiful.Thank you. 1314 01:20:25,908 --> 01:20:28,867 Why don't we both look beautiful? 1315 01:20:28,911 --> 01:20:30,869 [ Whispering ] Take out that earring. 1316 01:20:30,913 --> 01:20:33,524 Felicia, may I borrow Jerry for a moment? 1317 01:20:33,567 --> 01:20:36,440 Of course, Daddy. 1318 01:20:42,272 --> 01:20:45,884 Jerry, uh, before I walk my baby girl down the aisle, 1319 01:20:45,928 --> 01:20:48,713 tell it to me straight. 1320 01:20:48,756 --> 01:20:52,064 Was this little high-seas adventure of yours really an accident? 1321 01:20:53,761 --> 01:20:56,329 Oh, yes, sir. Definitely an accident. 1322 01:20:56,373 --> 01:20:58,592 Good. Good.Mm-hmm. 1323 01:20:58,636 --> 01:21:01,552 Now remember, report to work the Monday after the honeymoon... 1324 01:21:01,595 --> 01:21:03,815 at 6:00 a.m. sharp. 1325 01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:07,036 Yes, sir.A man with your imagination... 1326 01:21:07,079 --> 01:21:10,213 is really gonna love managing a muffler shop. 1327 01:21:10,256 --> 01:21:13,956 Oh, I'm sure I will, sir.Mm-hmm. 1328 01:21:13,999 --> 01:21:15,871 [ Jerry ] Felicia is good for me. 1329 01:21:20,353 --> 01:21:24,053 She planned this entire wedding all by herself. 1330 01:21:25,619 --> 01:21:29,406 Got me a great job with her father, 1331 01:21:29,449 --> 01:21:32,148 got us a new apartment, picked out all the linens and plates, 1332 01:21:32,191 --> 01:21:34,280 and as our wedding gift, 1333 01:21:34,324 --> 01:21:36,892 she gave me an entire new wardrobe. 1334 01:21:36,935 --> 01:21:39,198 Hmm. 1335 01:21:39,242 --> 01:21:42,375 Yep, the only decision I have left to make for the rest of my life... 1336 01:21:42,419 --> 01:21:45,204 is whether I want to be buried or cremated. 1337 01:21:45,248 --> 01:21:47,685 No, no, I take that back-- 1338 01:21:47,728 --> 01:21:50,122 We're being buried side by side. She told me this morning. 1339 01:22:09,011 --> 01:22:11,230 Hey, Jerry, I'm sorry I'm late. 1340 01:22:11,274 --> 01:22:13,841 I had a little bit of a personal crisis this morning. 1341 01:22:13,885 --> 01:22:15,843 Is everything all right, Pastor?Oh, fine. Fine. 1342 01:22:15,887 --> 01:22:19,282 Just, uh, had a few personal issues I had to clarify, but-- 1343 01:22:19,325 --> 01:22:21,284 Hey, it's your big day. Nothing's gonna spoil it. 1344 01:22:21,327 --> 01:22:23,721 Glad to see you finally made it, Reverend. 1345 01:22:23,764 --> 01:22:26,506 I've got a string quartet back at the Hyatt about to go into golden time. 1346 01:22:26,550 --> 01:22:28,291 Congratulations, sir.Thank you. 1347 01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:31,598 Friends of yours?Yes, sir. 1348 01:22:31,642 --> 01:22:34,123 I met them on the cruise.Oh. 1349 01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,516 So you accidentally hopped aboard the Guy-tanictoo, huh? 1350 01:22:36,560 --> 01:22:38,823 How's it goin'? 1351 01:22:38,866 --> 01:22:41,043 I guess not. 1352 01:22:41,086 --> 01:22:44,698 Jerry, I'm gonna keep my eye on you. 1353 01:22:44,742 --> 01:22:46,700 What's up, guys? Hey, come here. 1354 01:22:46,744 --> 01:22:48,746 It's important. You're not gonna believe this. 1355 01:22:48,789 --> 01:22:50,748 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 1356 01:22:50,791 --> 01:22:54,534 There is no more sacred contract than the bond of marriage... 1357 01:22:54,578 --> 01:22:57,059 and no more spiritual union... 1358 01:22:57,102 --> 01:23:01,280 than that between a man and a woman. 1359 01:23:01,324 --> 01:23:04,196 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 1360 01:23:04,240 --> 01:23:06,024 to bring this man and this woman... 1361 01:23:06,068 --> 01:23:09,462 together in the eyes of-- 1362 01:23:11,987 --> 01:23:14,293 In the eyes of, uh-- 1363 01:23:14,337 --> 01:23:16,992 - God? - God. 1364 01:23:17,035 --> 01:23:18,732 Yeah, yeah. That's what you say. 1365 01:23:18,776 --> 01:23:20,996 No, that's what you say. 1366 01:23:21,039 --> 01:23:23,215 Yeah, yeah. Well, I used to until recently. 1367 01:23:23,259 --> 01:23:26,175 I mean, uh, if there really was a God, 1368 01:23:26,218 --> 01:23:28,046 would he allow my wife to run off with a contractor... 1369 01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:30,266 who overcharged me for a bay window? 1370 01:23:30,309 --> 01:23:34,052 But that's my problem. That's my problem. I'm sorry. It's your day. Where was I? 1371 01:23:34,096 --> 01:23:37,969 Um, a happy marriage is the perfect human relationship, 1372 01:23:38,013 --> 01:23:40,711 a setting in which each partner feels free... 1373 01:23:40,754 --> 01:23:45,977 to be as he or she is under God's bountiful nature. 1374 01:23:46,021 --> 01:23:49,198 That same nature that allowed the number-five horse at Pimlico... 1375 01:23:49,241 --> 01:23:51,722 - to screwme in a photo finish. - [ Clears Throat ] 1376 01:23:51,765 --> 01:23:53,898 I'm sorry. Where was I? Ah, yeah, yeah. 1377 01:23:53,941 --> 01:23:57,467 Um-- Oh-- So if there is anyone present who feels there's a reason... 1378 01:23:57,510 --> 01:24:01,297 that these two people should not be joined together in holy matrimony, 1379 01:24:01,340 --> 01:24:03,995 let them speak now or forever hold their peace. 1380 01:24:09,435 --> 01:24:11,655 [ Minister ] Okay, fine. 1381 01:24:11,698 --> 01:24:15,050 Jerry, then, if there is no objection, turn to Felicia and repeat after me. 1382 01:24:17,139 --> 01:24:20,272 I, Jerry, take you Felicia... 1383 01:24:20,316 --> 01:24:22,405 to be my lawful wedded--Stop. Wait, wait! 1384 01:24:22,448 --> 01:24:24,581 [ Nick ] Time out! Time out! 1385 01:24:24,624 --> 01:24:26,844 Nick, what are you doing? 1386 01:24:26,887 --> 01:24:28,846 I have to say something. 1387 01:24:28,889 --> 01:24:31,588 If I didn't speak now, I could never live with myself. 1388 01:24:31,631 --> 01:24:36,941 A couple weeks ago, Jerry and I took a cruise together. 1389 01:24:36,984 --> 01:24:40,075 It wasn't the cruise we intended to take, but... 1390 01:24:40,118 --> 01:24:42,381 it was a good thing we got on the wrong boat, because... 1391 01:24:42,425 --> 01:24:44,731 it changed our lives forever. 1392 01:24:44,775 --> 01:24:47,343 Jerry, if you marry Felicia today, 1393 01:24:47,386 --> 01:24:49,910 it will end up in disaster. 1394 01:24:49,954 --> 01:24:53,566 You need to be with the person you fell in love with on that boat. 1395 01:24:54,785 --> 01:24:56,787 And I know it, 1396 01:24:56,830 --> 01:24:59,964 because that person... 1397 01:25:00,007 --> 01:25:02,053 is me.Hmm? 1398 01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:05,665 Oh, oh![ Screams ] 1399 01:25:05,709 --> 01:25:07,885 How much of that pot did you smoke? 1400 01:25:07,928 --> 01:25:11,149 I know where Gabriella is. If we hurry, we can catch her. 1401 01:25:11,193 --> 01:25:14,021 Jerry, what the hell is wrong with you? 1402 01:25:14,065 --> 01:25:16,633 You can't humiliate me like this in front of my family and my friends! 1403 01:25:16,676 --> 01:25:19,592 My dad is gonna kill you!Come on, Rocco! 1404 01:25:19,636 --> 01:25:22,943 - Come on, boy. - Daddy! 1405 01:25:22,987 --> 01:25:25,337 Move! Move! 1406 01:25:25,381 --> 01:25:27,992 Daddy, do something! ♪ I need love, love 1407 01:25:28,035 --> 01:25:30,212 ♪ To ease my mind 1408 01:25:30,255 --> 01:25:35,565 Where's your car?We're not taking my car. We'd never make it across town. 1409 01:25:35,608 --> 01:25:37,828 Yoo-hoo! Boys! Boys. ♪ You can't hurry love 1410 01:25:37,871 --> 01:25:40,047 ♪ No, you just have to wait [ Siren Wailing ] 1411 01:25:40,091 --> 01:25:42,049 ♪ She said love don't come easy ♪ 1412 01:25:42,093 --> 01:25:45,270 Hector, you're a fireman. ♪ It's a game of give and take ♪ 1413 01:25:45,314 --> 01:25:48,969 Yes. I'm September in our calendar. ♪ You can't hurry love 1414 01:25:50,449 --> 01:25:54,714 - Hey, hey! Stop! - Thank you, Ernie, dear. 1415 01:25:54,758 --> 01:25:57,761 Call me! ♪ Well, how many heartaches 1416 01:25:57,804 --> 01:26:01,939 ♪ Must I stand Before I find the love ♪♪ 1417 01:26:01,982 --> 01:26:05,725 - So where's Gabriella? - She signed up to work another cruise. 1418 01:26:05,769 --> 01:26:09,468 - When does she leave port? - Two hours ago. 1419 01:26:09,512 --> 01:26:11,992 Two hours ago? 1420 01:26:12,036 --> 01:26:14,865 And how am I supposed to find her in the ocean? 1421 01:26:16,997 --> 01:26:20,131 [ Engine Whirring ] 1422 01:26:20,175 --> 01:26:22,133 [ Jerry ] I can't do this! 1423 01:26:22,177 --> 01:26:24,309 Oh, I get motion sickness! 1424 01:26:24,353 --> 01:26:26,572 Yes, you can. Come on, Jerry. 1425 01:26:26,616 --> 01:26:28,444 You're about to be united with the woman you love. 1426 01:26:28,487 --> 01:26:31,186 What do you think? 1427 01:26:31,229 --> 01:26:33,536 Oh--Why don't you calm down? 1428 01:26:33,579 --> 01:26:36,234 You are in very, very good hands. 1429 01:26:36,278 --> 01:26:38,236 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 1430 01:26:38,280 --> 01:26:40,238 I know you only think of me... 1431 01:26:40,282 --> 01:26:42,632 as a hard-partying old queen, 1432 01:26:42,675 --> 01:26:45,461 but for your information, I spent 32 years... 1433 01:26:45,504 --> 01:26:47,463 in the armed forces... 1434 01:26:47,506 --> 01:26:50,640 serving Her Majesty, the real queen. 1435 01:26:50,683 --> 01:26:53,904 I've seen action in five different theaters of war. 1436 01:26:53,947 --> 01:26:57,995 I've made over 490 drops, 23 over hostile territory. 1437 01:26:58,038 --> 01:27:00,519 I am what you colonials might call... 1438 01:27:00,563 --> 01:27:03,261 a bad-assed motherfucker, 1439 01:27:03,305 --> 01:27:05,698 who also happens to be an expert... 1440 01:27:05,742 --> 01:27:09,354 in the delicate art of Japanese flower arranging. 1441 01:27:09,398 --> 01:27:12,575 Oh.Over the target, Captain. 1442 01:27:12,618 --> 01:27:16,100 Right. It's now or never.Eh-- Aaah! 1443 01:27:16,143 --> 01:27:18,320 Come on, Jerry, get off here. Jump out! 1444 01:27:18,363 --> 01:27:20,583 [ Jerry ] I can't do this! 1445 01:27:20,626 --> 01:27:24,108 [ Nick ] Go get her, Jerry!This is a really bad idea! 1446 01:27:24,151 --> 01:27:28,068 [ Jerry Screaming ] 1447 01:27:28,112 --> 01:27:32,247 Wait! I'm gonna be sick. I mean it. Oh! 1448 01:27:33,248 --> 01:27:35,424 Oh, I felt that one. 1449 01:27:35,467 --> 01:27:38,035 [ Lloyd ] Good Lord, you're a crybaby! 1450 01:27:39,863 --> 01:27:42,300 [ Gabriella's Voice ] Five, six, seven, eight. 1451 01:27:42,344 --> 01:27:45,912 Kick back, head up, down. 1452 01:27:45,956 --> 01:27:48,175 One more time. 1453 01:27:48,219 --> 01:27:51,091 Kick back, head up, down. 1454 01:27:51,135 --> 01:27:54,269 I want it sassy now. Come on. Kick, plié. [ Jerry Shouting, Indistinct ] 1455 01:27:54,312 --> 01:27:57,750 Head up, down. And kick, plié. 1456 01:27:57,794 --> 01:27:59,970 [ Jerry Shouting ] I'm not a person who likes heights! 1457 01:28:00,013 --> 01:28:03,495 Oh, I don't feel so good. I don't feel so good. 1458 01:28:04,975 --> 01:28:08,544 Oh, I hate this! 1459 01:28:08,587 --> 01:28:12,199 [ Screaming ] 1460 01:28:12,243 --> 01:28:15,202 - What is that? - [ Jerry ] I don't like this! 1461 01:28:15,246 --> 01:28:18,205 [ Lloyd ] We're over target. Prepare for release. 1462 01:28:18,249 --> 01:28:20,295 Release! Aaah! 1463 01:28:22,166 --> 01:28:25,256 Ha-ha! Oh, we did it! 1464 01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:28,041 [ Laughing ] I'm so excited! 1465 01:28:28,085 --> 01:28:32,045 If truth be told, I'm more than a little excited myself. 1466 01:28:32,089 --> 01:28:34,221 Oh-- Unhook me, please. 1467 01:28:34,265 --> 01:28:36,963 I don't believe this. 1468 01:28:37,007 --> 01:28:41,881 - Help, please. - This time I'm gonna let you drown. 1469 01:28:41,925 --> 01:28:43,840 Well, you're gonna have to drag me over to the deep end, 1470 01:28:43,883 --> 01:28:46,059 'cause it's only about three-and-a-half feet over here. 1471 01:28:46,103 --> 01:28:48,845 - What are you doing here? - I was in the neighborhood, 1472 01:28:48,888 --> 01:28:52,196 so I figured, well, I'd just drop in. 1473 01:28:52,239 --> 01:28:54,198 Good-bye. 1474 01:28:54,241 --> 01:28:56,679 Uh, Gabriella, wait! Please. 1475 01:28:59,290 --> 01:29:01,466 Mm-hmm? 1476 01:29:01,510 --> 01:29:04,426 I thought I was being reasonably clever... 1477 01:29:04,469 --> 01:29:07,211 considering I just dropped 1,500 feet out of an airplane. 1478 01:29:07,254 --> 01:29:09,518 Why'd you bother? 1479 01:29:22,269 --> 01:29:24,620 Because I love you. 1480 01:29:24,663 --> 01:29:28,406 Who loves me-- gay Jerry as a friend, 1481 01:29:28,450 --> 01:29:32,889 or is this straight, lying, deceitful Jerry? 1482 01:29:32,932 --> 01:29:36,153 Hmm? 1483 01:29:36,196 --> 01:29:38,155 You've never met this Jerry. 1484 01:29:38,198 --> 01:29:41,724 This is the extremely sorry, 1485 01:29:41,767 --> 01:29:44,901 unbelievably heartbroken because you left me, 1486 01:29:44,944 --> 01:29:47,251 will do anything to get you to forgive me... 1487 01:29:47,294 --> 01:29:49,601 because I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jerry. 1488 01:29:51,864 --> 01:29:54,127 Well, you listen to me, Jerry. 1489 01:29:54,171 --> 01:29:56,173 Just because you dropped out of the sky... 1490 01:29:56,216 --> 01:29:59,219 and made this grand romantic gesture... 1491 01:29:59,263 --> 01:30:01,308 doesn't mean that I'm gonna automatically run into your arms. 1492 01:30:01,352 --> 01:30:03,267 Do you understand that? Hmm? 1493 01:30:03,310 --> 01:30:05,530 Yes.Good. 1494 01:30:08,490 --> 01:30:11,580 Okay. I'm probably going to, but you shouldn't automatically expect it. 1495 01:30:11,623 --> 01:30:14,321 Because if we're gonna have the kind of relationship... 1496 01:30:14,365 --> 01:30:16,411 where one day you're gonna be making all these hurtful fantasies-- 1497 01:30:21,285 --> 01:30:23,853 Don't you ever, ever... 1498 01:30:23,896 --> 01:30:25,855 lie to me again. 1499 01:30:25,898 --> 01:30:28,640 I swear. 1500 01:30:36,605 --> 01:30:39,259 I'll never understand it. 1501 01:30:39,303 --> 01:30:41,392 Neither will I. 1502 01:30:59,497 --> 01:31:02,979 [ Nick, Echoing ] Inga! 1503 01:31:04,197 --> 01:31:08,027 Inga. Inga. 1504 01:31:08,071 --> 01:31:10,465 Inga. 1505 01:31:12,641 --> 01:31:15,382 [ Knocking ] 1506 01:31:26,002 --> 01:31:27,917 My God. Oh, my God! 1507 01:31:30,920 --> 01:31:33,879 I'm Nick Ragoni. I'm a friend of your daughter Inga. 1508 01:31:33,923 --> 01:31:37,056 I've traveled 12,000 miles to surprise her. 1509 01:31:37,100 --> 01:31:39,494 You poor thing. You look frozen. Let me help you up. 1510 01:31:41,191 --> 01:31:44,063 [ Groaning ] Let me and my son help you up. 1511 01:31:44,107 --> 01:31:45,935 Johan, come over here. Ja. 1512 01:31:45,978 --> 01:31:48,241 Oh-- 1513 01:31:48,285 --> 01:31:50,505 Come on. 1514 01:31:50,548 --> 01:31:54,639 This man is obviously a fan of smoörgaåsbord. 1515 01:31:55,901 --> 01:31:58,034 Ingmar, what's going on? 1516 01:31:58,077 --> 01:32:00,602 Oh, Mother, he's an American friend of Inga's. 1517 01:32:00,645 --> 01:32:04,475 Oh, I hope you didn't go too much trouble to get here. 1518 01:32:04,519 --> 01:32:06,782 - Inga's not home. - What? 1519 01:32:06,825 --> 01:32:09,393 She's gone to Italy on a modeling assignment. 1520 01:32:09,436 --> 01:32:12,657 - Won't be back for three months. - Oh, God, no. 1521 01:32:12,701 --> 01:32:16,008 - I can't believe it. - You poor boy. 1522 01:32:16,052 --> 01:32:19,446 You look so cold. You'll join us for dinner. 1523 01:32:19,490 --> 01:32:22,580 Bridgit, get this man some soup from the stove. 1524 01:32:25,540 --> 01:32:29,848 This is Bridgit. She wants to be a bikini model, just like her big sister. 1525 01:32:29,892 --> 01:32:32,982 Nice to meet you. 1526 01:32:33,025 --> 01:32:36,289 And Bridgit's coach will be joining us for dinner too. 1527 01:32:36,333 --> 01:32:38,944 [ Woman Gasps ] 1528 01:32:40,903 --> 01:32:43,253 Oh-- 1529 01:32:43,296 --> 01:32:46,517 Oh, Nicholas. 1530 01:32:46,561 --> 01:32:49,259 Hello. 1531 01:32:49,302 --> 01:32:51,304 We meet again.